END OF THE YEAR, END TIMES?

END OF THE YEAR, END OF THE WORLD COUNTDOWN BEGINS TODAY?

After a period of writing inactivity, I decided to write a few lines on my blog. I wanted to put my thoughts on my end of the year thanksgiving and the start of my New Year resolutions.
I first checked the Yahoo Trending topics.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/2012-end-world-countdown-based-mayan-calendar-starts-101657134.html
This really intrigued me.
The Philippines is again witness to the wrath of nature . Our southern countrymen in Cagayan de Oro, Iligan and Dumaguete are picking up the pieces of what typhoon Sendong left in its trail.
My heart is quite perplexed and saddened by the wide scale disaster. Reminding me once again, time is fleeting. Material things are so temporary.
My sister and I were talking about it yesterday. I told her I burned the midnight oil the other day trying to google earth the vicinity of our purchased house and lot. I was looking for signs of deforestation in the area. A quarry site close by is really giving me some anxiety. That is why I said, I do not like to relocate just yet. Maybe, let the 2012 doomsday predication prove itself wrong first. In the meantime, I wanna remain in my comfort zone. I wanna stay put in this apartment home of 9 years and counting.
The vision of logs piled one of top of the other scares the hell out of me.
Caking mud that has sealed families alive in their houses as their graves. Hmmmm....maybe not yet.
I still have to double check with www.nababaha.com and some of the experts in UP school of Geology etc. Give me some form of assurance that the location of my next home is not prone to floods.
And so...they say, having the end in view is wise.
So, they further say, live each day as if it were last...
So...for next year, here are my plans:

1. Laugh more.
2. Exercise more.
3. Eat more sensibly.
4. Earn while I learn.
5. Forgive more.
6. Let go of angst, irritations and angers more.
7. Smile more.
8. Be kind more to myself .
9. Be more loving to my daughters and husband.
10. Pray more.

Before, I refused to give blog space to my angst. Cause what you focus, you increase. I am really tempted to give it ample space and time in the letting go posture. So, it will clear up more pychic and emotional space for more positive energies to come in.
Example:
1. I will let go of M....who all of a sudden gave me the cold shoulder. We reconnected momentarily after so many years in FB. Then all of a sudden she ignored me. What was even worst, a common friend was in the country and wanted to meet up with all of us. Somehow, I was eased out of the invites. The guest of honor was quite apologetic. But, that is alright. I will let go of you. Bid you adieu. I still am clueless as to what happened...but...that will not be one of my cares anymore. LETTING GO YOU. Bye.
2. I will let go of E...you have a funny way of showing “ past is past, forgive and forget.” You told these lines to me lately. And yet, on the other turn, you ignore me in FB. What are the other issues hounding you? You don’t want some people to know we are civil? You want us to behave like what? Rude people? Hmmm...maybe not for me... I am LETTING GO OF YOU and all your ISSUES AND DRAMAS.
3. I will let go of N.... I was there for you when you got into snags and tears with some of our friends. But lately, I became the target of your bicker and nastiness. You picked a fight with me. You first pried into my private affairs. You guessed when I lost my virginity. Wow. You did not like to believe my truth. So, believe what you want to believe. I do not care. I do not need to explain to you also these details of my life. I AM LETTING GO OF YOU once and finally.
4. I will let go of J...you have this unusual way of ignoring me also in FB. Admittedly, I gave you the cold shoulder for very important reasons. I still have not gotten the chance to explain to you. I felt I did not another drama in my life. When you told me jokingly once “ Do no steal my post, ok?..I was not able to laugh right away. When you joked or said it a second then a third...I felt you were trying to tell me “back off”...and so I did. I just cannot believe that you thought I could do that to you. That I could target your position and ease you out? Wow! Is that how you view me...then we should not call each other friends. And so, I left and now, finally, I AM LETTING GO OF YOU.

Hmmm....this is so relieving. Wonderful exercise in de-stressing. Is there such a word? It sounds like distressing...hmmm. Does not sound good. What I want to say is...nice practice in exhaling. Breathe in the good, breathe out the bad vibes and all.
Thus, in doing these regularly...I may feel more lighter and happier. I somehow, cannot shelve it back in my mind and heart...it bears heavily still. This is more like throwing it out back to the universe. Freeing up more positive space in me.
Wonderful!
Maybe....THIS 2012 will just be so LIGHT AND BUBBLY after all... Like a good tall bottle of the sparkling champagne. Cheers!
Dec.21,2011
10:19pm

Nov.13 Thanks

I am so happy...here are my thank you list:
1. Marina surprised me with reciting the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary from memory. Wow. I was floored. It was so unexpected. I thought she was reading from the guide. Upon looking at her...she was sans the booklet. O wow! She missed several. But, it is alright. The novelty of it being unexpected is worth it.
2. Banana cake with almond toppings from Victoria.
3. A beautiful, heartfelt letter from Marina.
4. Taking a long, restful nap with Marcelina.
5. Early morning Vitamin D exposure with Marcelina. Cool air. Cordial neighbors.
6. The “suman” vendor. Breakfast with Swiss Miss hot choco with mallows and the suman malagkit and kamoteng kahoy. Delicious.
7. The first taste of Tamales. It was ok. At least, now, I know what it is.
8. Phone call from Chubby. He was verifying if I would watch the Pacquiao fight.
9. Bag of stateside pasalubong from another neighbour.
10. The welcoming attitude and gestures of the Vergara family from Los Angeles CA.

Thanksgiving always!

Here is my gratitude list for Nov.12,2011:
1. English tutoring done for 3 kids with much gusto.
2. Movie time bonding with Marina...Ramona and Beesuz is such a cute movie that reminds us that kids may have a totally different perception of adult or big people stuff. It could really be frightening for them so...it is up to us how to cushion it or make it as fun as possible.
3.Finalization of 2nd Semester enrollment w/ UPOU
4.The presence of my Cherry Blossom or Sakura plant from Japan.
5.My adorable 5 month old.
5. My wonderfully challenging 8 year old.
6. Hot pandesal simple treat for Marina and I.
7.Surprise visit of my brother Pong and his wife Jen. Lovely chat shared.
8.Apostolate time.
9.Good food on our table.
10. Keeping cool despite the humid weather.
11. This wonderful playlist on my media player.
12.Uploading wonderful pictures on FB of my daughters with cousin Stef.

More Thanksgiving

Nov.9,2011

Am I having short term memory loss already. I am thinking very hard what happened yesterday and it takes a while for me to recall the events. Oh, ok...there you go..I have some of it now.
My gratitude list for yesterday are as follows:
1. Aling Lusing, who never fails to come and do our laundry. We are almost done in the checklist of things to wash. The bunch of stuff toys look so new without their almost soft film of dust. Giving them this grey color pre laundry date. Now, they look so vibrant and nice.
2. Bills were paid and I am now enrolled for another semester to finish my required units in a certificate course. Thank God.
3. LILLI’s determination to sit up and crawl. Turning over is quite a breeze for her now.
4. Marina and Lilli’s adoring eyes for each other.
5. Hot pandesal with Marina. Walking to the bakery arm in waist. Chatting with neighbours along the way.
6. Cool evening breeze.
7. Friend Malu saving the day for the Sakura plant from Japan.
8. Gemma helping me find a way to really retrieve it.
9. Wonderful food I was able to cook...veggies with fish.
10. Lilli’s first solid food of mashed squashed...her face,hair and body had bits and pieces of the meal...she was struggling with her spoon but her lip smucking sounds told me she was enjoying it.


And here are my thanksgiving for today :
1. My next door neighbour’s helping hand in doing errands and pitching in caring for Lilli when my hands are full.
2. Marina playing and taking care of her baby sis...reading to Lilli while her baby sis was really eyes glued only to her. It was such a heart warming sight. Their hearty laugh when Mari plays with her.
3. Chat with my younger brother Michael.
4. Chat with a high school classmate Edgar.
5. Regular chat with hubby.
6. Enjoying cinnamon roll with Marina.
7. Watching her play with her friends.
8. Watching Lilli want to grasp and grab things...telling me to reorder things to avoid breakage and accidents.
9. Lilli’s sweetness.
10. Marina’s hugs and kisses.
11. The Sakura plant finally in my possession. Thanks Gemma. Thanks Malu.

THANKSGIVING

Noble November 7,2011
12:20 am

It has been a good day.
Prayers had been answered.
Good neighbors came to the rescue.
First day tutoring a 4 year old girl in English. She is so eager and excited to learn. Her first teacher was my 8 year old. Who by the way, also wants to be a teacher someday. Thanks to my inspiration perhaps.
Marina just came back from a one week sleepover in her grandpa’s place with her cousin Stef. They bonded so much that they did not like to separate after 3 days. So, Marina went to sleepover in their place in Paranaque.
I missed her so much.
Her dad was overly anxious to have her back asap.
I felt it was time to loosen the kite strings a bit.
Hoping that she will be alright this time.
The last time I did...it was not a pleasant experience for me.
By God’s grace we have her back safe and sound.
She also declared she is too tired to go back to her regular school experience. You see, I made arrangements for her to be on a one month visiting student status in a nearby school. I agreed with the condition that she will go back on the 14th to complete 1 month. Her teacher and classmates are asking her to continue till December so she can be part of the Christmas Party.
We will cross the bridge when we get there.
The little one and I have bonded so much without much interruption.
But somehow, she was looking for her elder sister.
Watching her listen to the phone when I called Marina last night was something special. She became so excited and grunted 2 times.
She recognizes her sister’s voice.
Watching her see and adore her sister when she came home today was another special treat. I thank God for being able to give this 2 girls a special experience called SISTERHOOD.
They have very wonderful eyes for each other.
I know the experience Marina had with her cousin Stef will be treasured for a long time. Reading her cousins letter to her tugged at my heartstrings.
Let me cap the night with some reflections on Kerygma bible readings.
Servanthood.
Chastisement.
End time.
As we are about to end another year...I want to focus on thanksgiving.
I will end each blog with praises and cheer for gifts and graces received during the day.
1. Taking a long and restful nap with my 2 beautiful girls.
2. Watching my girls lovingly look at each other.
3. Good food on our table.
4. Roof over our heads.
5. Income of my husband
6. Strength and energy to tutor a 4 year old
7. Good neighbours who saved me from worries and anxieties
8. Nice neighbours with genuine hellos upon meeting along the road
9. Joy of having my baby sleep in my arms
10. Hugs and kisses from my girls and hearing Marina say I miss you mom.

Keep the Oil Burning

Noble November 6,2011
10:07 pm


After a long time, I stopped to take a much needed pause. I needed to replenish my depleting spiritual reserves. I looked up my daily bible guide and reflections from Kerygma.com.

Keeping the oil burning.

Let me quote some of the lines of Fr Brian Steele:
We must always be vigilant and keep the oil in our lamp burning. Every one of us has a responsibility to keep our torches (faith) lit with the oil (charity). By our good deeds, we will meet the Lord as soon as He arrives and takes us to Himself. The oil is the charity, the love expressed in faith through our actions. It would be a terrible thing to find at the Lord’s coming the door closed on us. Once locked, it cannot be opened. The great shame is that these women were there all along, waiting. It was because of their unprepared resources that they missed out. If only they had the resources, the joy would have been theirs to celebrate. Fr. Brian Steele, MGL

Just recently, I was tested in these areas. Faith and Charity.
I am so well acquainted with the advice to forgive 70 x 7 times. It means, continue forgiving without counting.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta encourages us to give until it hurts.
This is the part that is quite challenging for me. I was put in a situation where giving was already hurting, Admittedly, I gave grudgingly. Why? The item given away was intended for another purpose. The receiver somehow, did not listen to what I was trying to say when she was claiming it. Besides, I felt, I have already given more than enough. I was in a position of want or dire need and the particular object could have given me some form of lease.
As I reflected on the story of the virgins awaiting the bridegroom...I am once again piqued and quite annoyed, I cannot help compare the unprepared virgins to this person. She wanted to appear so in need of help and support from people around her and me in particular..that was not really the case. She was capable of providing for her needs actually and this thing she could very well afford to buy herself or pay in installment.
But no, she wanted me to share it with her.
She even announced it to many so that I would be in a spot and could not do otherwise.

That is were salt was really rubbed so roughly on my aching charitable bone or spirit. I felt, I already had given enough... and yet, I was arm twisted to give more.
I am just so human to feel a bit annoyed , used and abused.
I end my argument and annoyance with the following lines:
8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ 9 But the wise ones replied, ‘No, for there may not be enough for us and you. Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.’(Matthew 25:9)
I let go of annoying and manipulative people.
I claim my peace by maintaining my comfortable distance.

Opulent October 20,2011

Today, I have been a witness again to how sociable and gregarious my first born is. By the way, the younger one is showing similar signs as well.
They both bask in social situations.
They both love to talk.
Marina has new playmates.
They have been practicing the Hawaiian dance we presented in last years UN DAY celebration with CFA.
This year, she is a guest student in the nearby school from Oct. 10- Nov.10.
The teachers are asking that it be extended till December so she can be part of the Christmas festivities.
I am most likely to oblige.
My neighbor asked me if Marina will go to regular/traditional school next year. I am hoping not yet. Maybe when she gets into high school. Besides, I do not like her credentials to come from several schools.
I just need the extra hand now with the new baby taking much of my time and energy.
I am still dead set on providing her with homeschooling.
Anyway, I was so amused to find out that her Rafia grass skirt is quite short now. It is like 3 inches above her ankles..when last year, you could barely glimpse her ankles.
My goodness, she shooting up so much.
She has outgrown most of her clothes now.
Getting ready to keep them for her baby sis.
Thus, today, I am so spent and yet so satisfied, that I have provided Marina with what she requires, enough social interaction and play time.
Seeing her happy makes me so content.
And as for the little one...she lavishes me with so much love and smiles...my heart overflows with joy.
Thank you Lord for the gift of their presence in my life.
I cannot imagine a different lifestyle altogether without them.

FALSE SECURITY

Opulent October 17,2011

FALSE SECURITY
I had the wonderful grace of checking out my Kerygma Bible guide and reflections for today. It reminds me of where I put my faith and trust in.
Do I put my future in stock investments?
Do I entrust it in insurance companies that tout to be stable one moment and fold up the next?
Who ever thought AIG would belly up?
I am still not sure whether my educational plan for my daughter will still be redeemable by the time she enters college. You see, PHILAM is no longer existing in it’s original name. Who guarantees payment when the time comes?
I was quite perplexed for a time.
Quite anxious to say the least.
But, today, my Lord and my Saviour reminds me to trust HIM, To have FAITH in him.
Thank you Lord.
You are the way, the truth and the LIFE.
I surrender everything to you. My plans, my hopes and my wishes...the future belongs to you. My life is in your hands. Guide me and guard me and all my family and friends.

Opulent October 16,2011

Oh wow!
I cannot seem to find a positive adjective for this month starting with the letter O.
Hmmm....
Spending time with my hubby on YAHOO MESSENGER.
Little LILLI just turned over her tummy.
She is trying to catch my attention while I pretend I do not notice her.
She is trying to make several sounds. Keeps looking at me. One more look...my heart will surely melt...and will leave this for a while.
Hmmm...
She has rested her head temporarily.
Ok...so...what shall be my theme for October?
Octoberfest 2011??
Sounds like beer festival.
Hmmm...
maybe nah...never enjoyed beer and never will perhaps.
Opulent?
Hmmm...not in the same vicinity.
Not at all...
Would I want to be opulent?
Hmmm...
Lemme think more about that.
So...
It is almost half of the month and I have been so lacking in PEACE, HARMONY AND JOY.
Why?
Maybe I have allowed myself to be overwhelmed with the things I need to do. Forgetting the most basic...and that is myself. To rest when the baby sleeps. To do the first priorities and that is my two girls.
Unfortunately, these days, my first born has been acting up.
She has demanded a lot of time and attention.
Maybe perhaps, I have been too remiss in this aspect. Oh yes, we have our 2 hour homeschooling...but, we need to laugh more...I need to comb her hair more...it calms her.
She at times, brings the comb to me when I forget.
Now, I really know how siblings can start to have animosity for one another...If the parent is not careful enough to provide the one on one time each child requires.
But, what to do, when the energy department is closed for replenishment.
Hmmm...
I believe, I claim, my writing will lead me to my center once again.
I just need to keep at it.
Never to park my pen.
Or, should I say, click on my keyboards more.
I just checked the thesaurus.
I initially had a negative impression of the word opulent...since it may mean excesses...extravagance...or lavishness...
But, it can also mean, abundance, richness, fullness, prosperous, exhuberance...plentiful.
So, yes, I want my October Opulent...and so it shall be.
Not, pretentious...just positive reinforcement.
Not imaginary...envisioning.
And this it shall be.

42 in the Girth

Sweet September 7, 2011

I am typing this entry with just my right hand. My left hand is holding my just 3 month old baby while she doses off to sleep. The past 2 days saw her having very short sleep and more awake time. She easily gets startled.
She loves to be propped up in her horse shoe shaped pillow that also looks like a big tooth when she slides down it. Big sister and I call it MAGNETIC PILLOW.
She loves to have her baby chatter with us. Lots of cooing and giggling. And we have caught her several times making two syllable sounds like, yes, MAMA, A-YAW,A-KU!
Her big sister said AB-BA, BA-BA, DA-DA all in one breath at 4 months old. Making me think I have another chatter box in our midst.
The flip side to the coin to her day time light sleeping is her all nighter sleep. Whew ! what a relief! At least I am able to recover a little bit of lost sleep.
Big thanks to the Chamomile and Lavender Calming lotion that I have just introduced to our bed time ritual massage.
I just got the nerve to get the tape measure and find out what the mirror has long been screaming. Yes! It is a heart breaking number. I no longer think of the coke in can figure. NO! It is more like the Buddha which is not smiling. An Avocado. A pear.Hmph! And Selma Blair just flaunted her wow figure at the Venice Film Festival after only several weeks of delivering her baby and I am like...3 months now?
Ummmmmm.....ummmmmmmmm...
I will be calm and cool not bothered nor perplexed.
I promise to get to my target in my own KAIROS not in the CHRONOS of other people...besides not all people are the same .Not all people get to 42 inches in the girth the same way.

August 23

Awesome August 23

I started the day quite early despite the fact that I had to get up 3x for LILLI’s feeding and a 4th time for Marina who had to run to the bathroom due to a bum stomach.
I guess, I am so psyched to achieve my goal this month end till the next month.
Yeah.
Go! Go! Go!
Today, I pushed myself to my limits despite the attention my back was calling for.
Despite the sharp claw like pain in my CS wound....I still went ahead doing my TO DO list...trying not to complain one bit.
Just last Friday, it still trickled some spotting. Hmmm.
Nah, I will just hold on to what my OB said, it has healed well and the ULTRASOUND test was all ok 2 Fridays ago.
........
I want to talk about the good ole MANZANILLA. I just recently discovered that it is not only good for baby’s gas/colic discomfort. Since it has Chamomile and Citronella, It is perfect for repelling mosquietos.
Good heavens! Dengue is back with a vengeance.
During my last Pedia visit, I asked Dr. Gonzales if it is ok to use OFF LOTION on LILLI’s soft delicate skin. He said no. Unfortunately he did not offer any other alternatives. Good thing to internet sleuthing, I discovered that my dependable MANZANILLA is the best alternative.

.......
This morning, before test driving again our baby carrier, I tried offering LILLI my boobs again. Hmmm....she refused it.
I hope and pray to be able to restore back mixed feeding. Please Lady of La Leche, pray for my petition.
I still want to breastfeed her and am desirous to breastfeed her more in the coming months.
But, ever since, I got so preoccupied with something else last July 16...our nursing time has been so much interrupted.

......

Similac HW and Similac PLUS from Abbott.
I wished to have introduced to my daughter what MARINA was taking before which is the Frisolac, Frisomel series by Mead Johnson. Unfortunately it is no longer in the market.
Thus, I had to make do with what the Pedia in the hospital prescribed.
My initial experiences...
The milk burp is super awful. It smells like Piattos cheese flavour.
Then LILLI developed terrible colic so I switched her to the HW of the Whey protein one. She really ballooned in less than a month of use...Feeding schedule was narrowed down from 3 hours to 2 then 1.5 to 1 hour interval.
Then she developed colic again.
I was seriously considering shifting her to the Lactose free.
Then, I noticed something odd in the texture of the milk granules especially after I saw that unconsumed milk exhibited something weird in less than an hour. The liquid separated to the bottom and milk-like substance floated on top.
It was somewhat curdling like...as if the process of turning into cheese has already been initiated.
Abbott sent a representative to replace 2 480 gram cans at once.
Till now, they cannot explain to me the phenomenon and why the granules are not consistent. In one can, it is yellowish and very fine powder. In others it is almost grey like white and coarse granules.
The new gold color packaging of the HW can, ushered in new experiences.
Initially the white HW can was a pleasant change why? Because, my daughter did not burp out milk so much and it did not have any smell at all. Unfortunately with the HW gold can....we are back to an awful smell. Likened to that of an old aparador with musty odour.
Terrible.
That is why I really am so dead set to bringing back the breast friends experiences.
Lord, bless me.

TAG:

Awesome August 22

It is almost quarter to 10pm.
I have decided to turn off the WIFI system.
“Mom, are you still gonna internet or something?” Marina asks.
It took much effort and resolve to pull out from my reserves some more patience for a very obnoxious 8th year old.
Home schooling and child care has been a struggle to juggle.
Almost every day, I remind myself of the reasons why I do this.
I just checked out a wonderful text message to me of a few days back.
I had to savour the wonderful message once again.
I am what you would call...a sputtering, choking piece of GI jeep of the last world war, trying to still make a go of a new lease in life. Mustering enough will and effort to really make this work out for me.
Hmmm....I guess, in trying to be articulate, I am getting more vague as I trudge along.
Suffice it to say....this is quite a challenging day.
I am quite disappointed.
And that is as far as I will allow myself to go.
This is not an angst blog.
This is a venue to transformation, metamorphosis, re-invention.
Instead, I quote a forwarded text message, which is a beautiful short prayer actually.
“Lord, at the start of this day, I pray for wisdom to sort my priorities...let me keep my sense of humor & enjoy a hearty chuckle. Calm my nerves with mental flashes from your Word..and at the end of the day, let me genuinely say, ‘Thank you Lord for giving me such a wonderful life. Amen. “
Amen and Amen.
Hmmmm....
Let me count my blessings for this day:
1. Early morning errand to Mercury with my beautiful daughters. It was like a breeze and no hassle.
2. The QA test passing mark of the Looney Tune baby carrier that makes baby and me happy in doing errands with my hands free. 2nd use and we are getting better at donning and removing it.
3. Hello of 2 elderly neighbours who of course were thrilled at my bundle while pretty ate basked in their praises of her sibling.
4. Surprise visit of another neighbour who shared our lunch and sent me back a piece of cake.
5. Noble accomplishments for the day, with the super will to ignore the discomfort of back and belly.
6. Marina, being able to master the These are, Those are, This is, That is and were and where.
7. Marina, giving wonderful actions to her poem, As Quick as a Cricket.
8. Marcelina and I enjoying her ritual bath.
9. This rainy night making it cool.
10. At last, this quiet time to collect and be with my thought as the little ones are in deep slumber now.
God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

Ninoy and brothers remembered

Awesome August 21, 2011

Today, I light a candle for the person who died unselfishly for his country and believed that it was all worth it.
Tonight, as the sun sets in the horizon, I salute to all those unsung heroes who continue to toil and fight the good fight not only for their selves but most especially for others.
I pray for the millions of OFWs who risk life and limb overseas just so their families back home will have a chance at having a decent lifestyle.

...

As we almost end another day, another weekend, I praise and thank the Lord for big families.
Last Sunday, I bumped into my brother Chubby at the SM Megamall church and had an unplanned lunch together with my troop.
My new born, barely 3 months old, was with us...I dunno, I can’t stand being away from her. So, she came along.
It was a good thing Uncle Chubby was quite game to baby sit her for a few minutes while mama had to take care of something in the grocery.
Today, my other brother Pong, and his charming wife Jenny with Kyle and Keno paid us a visit. Lunch was made more yummy with all the swapping of stories and jokes.
My sister in Canada, Peach, with Vince & Lexie joined us via SKYPE.
Thanks to technology used properly....ties that bind are more bonded and strengthened.
God is good, indeed.

Hayden & Jeoffrey KHO

Awesome August 20,2011

Today, I resolved to end this day, feeling and believing that this yet another wonderful and beautiful day ever.
What a nice way to cap a day with an unexpected call from a long time friend from high school days.
Jeoffrey Kho.
I was caught between nursing the wound of my first born and cleaning my new born from her 2nd # 2 for the day.
I wondered how he got my landline. He already also forgot.
As we forgot when the last time we met.
His memory is foggy as well as mine.
I just was thinking of him cause he was mentioned by a classmate in FB.
And my thoughts led to Soraya, his sister, my classmate, who will be celebrating her birthday this August 24.
I cannot forget Soraya or Maya’s birthday because, our birthdays are just one month apart.
And so, it will remain always like a milestone and will be forever remembered.
That is why maybe I feel so high that Jeoffrey or Duke took the time to dial my number from his Binondo hotel room and chat about this and that....growing old and updates on other batch mates. I am sure my regards and good tidings for Maya and another long lost classmate Ditas will be relayed.
I was also touched that he offered to give me a video copy of last December’s reunion, which I missed because of my difficult pregnancy. We were the sponsoring batch as Silver Jubillareans.
Whew! 25 years down ....How time flies.
Indeed, and it has been such a wonderful and amazing journey.
Jeoffrey still has his wonderful sense of humour when he claims that he has talents close to the very popular doctor with the same family name as theirs.
Really now Duke?
Scandalous!!!
Remains to be seen or hidden forever?
Hahahaha.
Just give me the right video ok.
I do not like to be scared out of my wits with the wrong one.
And make sure...your offer stands good for us to test the fame and popularity of your longest ever zipline and white water rafting in your beautiful golden city of CDO.

Yes, definitely before we hit the big 5 0 .
You bet on that.
Thanks again for taking me down memory lane for a few minutes.
It was most refreshing.

AWESOME SMILES

AWESOME AUGUST 19,2011
7:05 A.M.

Lo and Behold!
Last entry, one month ago to the day.
Hmmm....
I want more...but, the time and energy department are so short.
SIGH.
SIGH.SIGH SOME MORE.
My newborn is almost 3 months and she is surely a breath of fresh air.
Looking at her birth photos...I cannot help but marvel at how far we have travelled already in terms of MILESTONES and accomplishments.
She is a source of much delight and joy.
She showers me with early morning SUNSHINE SMILES....
I am so blessed.
I have no reason to complain at all.










a

Street lights & Tomahawk

Joyful July 19,2011
7:30 a.m.

Thank God for a relatively restful night. I was able to sleep from around 1030pm to 2am without interruption for LILI’s feeding. Her next feeding session was at 5a.m. She slept right away after being diaper changed 2x. Usually her schedule is 12 am, 3 am and 6am with a lot of play and cooing time before she dozes back off.
Yes, diaper change twice. It usually happens that after cleaning her off urine soaked Mamy Poko diaper, she goes for #2 after a new one is donned.
Oh well, that is life.
LILI, has not yet mastered the art of scheduling her poop. It toggles between 6am and 11am.

...

I had to take a short break from writing since LILI complained about being on tummy time and was ready for another feeding.
Me oh my, the intervals with this new Milk formula is not anymore 3-4 hours but 2.5 hours.

Yesterday, we trooped to the grocery for LILI’s 3rd trip out of the house. First was for her baptism. 2nd, last Thursday for my weekly prayer meeting, which, I have missed for a while now. This was followed with a visit to grandpa who just came in from a 3 week vacation in our birthplace-Zamboanga City.

Pedia visits are not included in this count BTW.

And so, LILI was amazed by the different lights and ceilings in Robinson’s forum. Good thing for her peach headband, the mistake of thinking she is a boy with her tomahawk hairstyle was nil.

I dunno why, the middle part which is the top part of her head, all her hair there want to stand, yes, tomahawk style. Hmm, making her look like a boy.

Anyway, she had the headband on with a lot of thick hair behind it all standing in attention.

The trip back home in the taxi was quite interesting, cause her eyes was so bright trying to figure out the different lights in the buses and other vehicles around us plus the buildings too.

Ate Marina was happy to have her hair rubber bands and new slippers for outdoors safely tucked in the shopping bags and of course, the most important extension cord for her electric fan to be much closer to her at night.

I am so happy and satisfied that a lot of things have been accomplished. Maybe we can schedule another date for the trip to the bookstore which can take up a lot of time with Marina and I. The aisles there are not so friendly to my infant stroller.

Sign off time now to take care of dirty bottles.

SIMILAC,PAMPERS, HUGGIES ETC

Joyfuly July 15,2011
9a.m.

Allow me to share about diapers, formula milk, breastfeeding & help.

A newly given birth mom needs all the help that she can get. It is so highly impossible that she can do it alone. Maybe after 3 months she can try going it all alone. But, like in my case, my C-Section wound got an infection because it somehow cracked open when I suddenly sneezed. So, now & then it would still bleed. Walking more than 5 minutes is so much of a challenge. Thus far, I have had a handful of errands out of the house. Very snap and zap moments. Solo & eager to get back to feed my new born.

That is why my invaluable help from my next door neighbour Ate Eleanor is so much prized and am so much indebted.

The attempt to get myself a full time help is a path I tread not for fear of past horrifying experiences. I am so faint hearted to muster guts to even try the search.

Accepting the fact that I need all the help I can get, is so liberating. By God’s amazing grace, it is there.

Breastfeeding is a fulfilling endeavour. Especially when you hear the vigorous slurp of sucking. It is so comforting to know that one has provided the little one with the very best source of nourishment & immunity from diseases. But then, eating right is a must and must go hand in hand with it.

I forgot that eggs and other dairy products can wreak havoc to the baby’s digestion causing the most annoying colic for her. When I sniffed the familiar eggs from the baby’s breaking of wind...plus a little research as well...it made me really sit up and watch my diet. So, here I am still aiming to get my 12 glasses of water so my milk production with increase.

Currently I am doing mixed feeding. The pedia at birth gave Ana Marcelina SIMILAC PLUS... but with the terrible bout of colic, I switched to SIMILAC HW which provides Whey protein. But maybe, after her 3rd 400g can, I want again to switch to the lactose free option, cause I want to stay away from cows milk.

DIAPERS.

I so bless the soul who invented the diaper. But then, not all diapers are made the same as not all baby bottoms are alike.

It was so nice that in VRP Medical Ctre, I was flooded with all sorts of diaper samples. Thus, I had the chance to try out several brands.

DRYPERS, nah. The tape is so hard & tough, it can hurt the baby’s tummy or skin.

PAMPERS COMFORT. No thanks. They leak easily and get botched when wet. It can get ugly when it turns odd in shape with sogginess.

EQ....comes in cute colors but, cannot withstand baby’s so active leg movements....leaks is a common occurrence. Out with it.

So far, my top 2 choices are Huggies Comfort Dry & Mamy Poko. No hard waist tape band. No leaks.

You may shell out a few more pesos, but it goes a long way even up to 12 hours per diaper.

Now, what about, diaper rash and those expensive ointments. None for me. I use cloth diaper now and then. It is such a treat to see her in the old fashion clothing. Just make sure you she is not ready to pee on you.

Note to self. Get myself a good piece of plastic panties so the use of the cloth diaper may last a bit longer especially during the nights without wetting the whole bed or crib.

So finally, finished this short piece in 2 days. Ana Marcelina has changed her sleeping schedule. Usually she is asleep from 6am to 11am or right after her morning bath at 11. But...she has been mostly awake during the day now.

So, have to be content with the creation of blog snippets only.

Jubilant July 2011

Jubilant July 13,2011

It seems to be ages since I last penned some words or lines.

Baby is starting to show signs of fuzziness as her feeding time approaches.

Baby bath water is being heated in my new stove that takes a while to heat up since it has an automatic shot off mechanism...anyway, will take time to write.

My goals in blogging are still the same...i.e. to find some form of release of a lot of thoughts in my head that can get to be knotted and bolted now & then/ if I do not find coherence or any rhyme or reason as to the why’s and why nots of life's challenges.

Also, I hope to be able to transform day to day ordinariness of living into simple abundance pursuits of actualization.

I hope to be able to spin gold with hay available.

Thanks for being joinning me in this journey.

Prayer for Financial Blessings

PRAYER FOR FINANCIAL BLESSINGS
“ The Lord will surely grant abundance; our land will yield its increase. Prosperity will march before the Lord, and good fortune will follow behind. Psalm 35:13-14
God is my source of supply. He meets all my needs in perfect timing at all times; and there is always a divine surplus. His financial blessings now flow into my life freely, tirelessly and endlessly. Everyday, God’s blessings come my way. God’s unlimited good now comes to me in a flood of abundance.
Freely I receive. And freely and joyously I give. For whatever good I give, that will I also receive from life. Whatever I withhold from others, I withhold to myself. Whatever I wish for others, I wish for myself. Whatever good I sow, that will I also reap. So I sow only thoughts of prosperity, love, joy and generosity. I do not envy anyone for God has enough blessings for everyone. I wish financial blessings for others and financial blessings will also come to me.
I know that I shall never want, for God is my true source of supply and He is the only power. Nothing can challenge the will and love of God that desire to prosper me. God’s blessings now come and nothing can delay their physical manifestation. Nothing can stop God’s prosperous outpouring from circulating in my life. In his goodness I do trust. All my debts are now paid. All my needs are now met.
I now open my mind and myself to brilliant ideas that can lead me to financial freedom and security. God is opening opportunities for me to gain my share of His riches. God is reaching out for people who can help and prosper me. I take him/ her as my partner and with God, I cannot fail. Yes, with God it is impossible for me to fail for one with God is majority. I now put my trust and confidence in the goodness, love, wisdom of God. God’s ways are sure. His methods are ingenious. God can…. God will make a way… even if there is no way.
I am a child of the Riches Father in the Universe. Yes, I am blessed for I am a child of a rich God, and I claim my share of His divine supply now. Yes, I ask, believe, and claim that it is so. And it is now done in perfect order in Jesus Christ’s name. I praise and thank the Lord for the immediate manifestation of God’s financial blessings in my life now.
Thank you, Father. AMEN.

37 WEEKS

Merry & Marvelous May 19 2011
12 noon

The past days have been very tough on me. Keeping cool in this summer heat while I am a human incubator with happiness inside me is quite a challenge.
3 showers each day does the trick in lessening the lethargy that sets in with the extreme heat.
I passed up my BFF’s offer to buy her AC for worry that the bill I will get each month might shoot up my blood pressure in place of lowering body and room temperature in my home.
The reflections of Sarah for these past few days has to do with clearing the clutter in one’s home.
I was set to tackle supervision of the clearing of the vacant room upstairs last Tuesday with Aling Lorna and Ate Eleanor as my allies...but the surprise visit of a good friend put everything on hold.
Thus, next Tuesday will be maybe the last attempt before my date with the stork, to put order, dust off, sweep and scrub the floors of the spare room and our sleeping room in the 2nd floor.
I am almost 37 weeks and my OB will determine if my 38th week is really ok for the CSECTION to be performed.
I am enlisting all the help of my friends and family to help me pray for a safe delivery of my normal and healthy new born.
Next week, will have to see me prepare my hospital bags.
SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY SIMPLIFY is Sarah’s battle cry in trying to rid her junk drawers in her home.
That will be mine too as I prepare stuff for the homecoming.
ORDER ORDER ORDER as well as I tailor fit additional expenses to the bare minimum.
Hubby is quite bit anxious that the actual costs may exceed what’s on hand.
I claim that everything will fall into place.
Blessed John Paul II, intercede for me.
Lady of La Leche, pray for me.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION

Merry and Marvelous May 15,2011
8:34 a.m.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION

This is the title of today’s reflection by Sarah Ban Breathnach.
She aptly quotes this saying from Anne Wilson Schaef:
“ Perfectionism is self abuse of the highest order.”
Hmmmmmm...
Such a liberating thought.
These past few days, I have been quite disturbed by the Good Morning America news by Lara Spencer. She interviewed a 34 year old mom who injects botox on her 8 year old daughter to remove fine wrinkles from her oh so young face and improve her chances of winning in beauty pageants.
An overwhelming response from FACEBOOK AND TWITTER followers rejected this as child abuse and an offense or a crime.
I could not believe it myself.
The photos revealing the mom injecting on different spots on her daughter’s face was really quite revolting since you could see it was such a painful procedure.
I am thankful, I am not so caught up with the pressure to be perfect nor do I pressure my daughter to be perfect either in things of cosmetic nature.
My only emphasis in the attempt to perfection is to be as faithful to God’s teachings and goodness in one’s ways.
But then again, I have to check myself on this ...since we need a saviour ourselves to do this. That is why Jesus, will help us if we just ask him and let him.
This Sunday’s readings and gospel is about Jesus, the good shepherd.
I thank God for the grace of seeking His voice in the busy worldly pursuits we usually get caught up in most of the time.
I thank God for the grace to be able to discern, if God is calling me to do the opposite of what I want to do in accordance to His will in my life.
I pray for this mom who is so caught up in the pursuit of perfection for her daughter, that she cannot accept fine wrinkles in her daughter’s face.
May she be enlightened to accept that life is never perfect.
Beauty is never perfect.
Man is never perfect.
We can only achieve it if we have the almighty’s grace and providence.
We cannot do it on our own.
That is why He came and died for us that we might be saved from all our imperfections.
Let me end by reflection by quoting some lines from the book Simple Abundance:
“Time out. Serenity 102: Progress, Not Perfection. First of all, I explained, the glamorous lifestyle gurus in the books, magazines, and television have full time professionals working for them, including stylists- stylists who wave magic paintbrushes dipped in burnt sienna over mud smears on terra-cotta potagers, before the flash pops or the tape rolls. “ It’s image, illusion, make believe. It’s a million dollar industry. What we’re seeing isn’t always the real McCoy. Now, this” I pointed out with satisfaction, “ is real, mud and all. It’s Real and it’s wonderful.
Perfect women do not manifest on this plane of existence. Celebrities who sell perfection are more to be pitied than censured, envied or emulated. Why? Because, despite their fame and bank accounts, they rarely know a moment’s peace, the whole world is watching, waiting for a misstep.
Thank you, no. I’ll pass. Won’t you? Perfection leaves so little room for improvement. So little space for acceptance – or joy. On the path we have chosen, progress is the simple pleasure to be savoured. Daily. Of course, perfect moments are sure to be ours, such as spending a sunny afternoon in May gardening with a daughter. Life and potagers don’t have to be perfect to be pleasing.


Very well said Sarah.

The Personality of My Home

Merry and Marvelous May 4,2011
9:31 a.m.

It has been several days that I have not written any blogs of reflection whatsoever.
The weather has been so hot and humid that my neck is full of rashes. My cornstarch powder is not working at all.
Bathing 3x a day in really cool tap water has given me soothing relief though that staying in the shower with the water running continuously is such a welcome idea or thought.
Last Sunday, I thought I was gonna have a detour straight to the hospital as we were on our way to the shrine of the Divine Mercy for it’s feast day mass. I sneezed and it caused a severe pain in my pelvic area near the start of the thigh bones. I could not stretch very well since Marina and I were cramped in the very small quarters of a tricycle side car.
I thought I was gonna faint. To top it all the climate was really warm.
Anyway, the sharp, stabbing pain soon went away and I sighed a relief, since my hospital bag and documents are still not yet ready. That is how I am sometimes, I put off and put off for tomorrow things. Hmmmm.
The titles of the reflections of Sarah are really very interesting.
April 30. When Did You Feel Most Beautiful.
May 1. Everyday Epiphanies.
May 2. Living in the House of Spirit.
May 3. A Welcome Retreat: Home as a Haven in a Hectic Word.
May 5. The Personality of Your Home.

As I slowly read the reflections for the start of the month, I was strucked by a very nice thought: “ ...but no story is as riveting as real life.”
Sarah was referring to the lives of glorious women writers and storytellers like Isak Dinesen and Beryl Markham.
They were very successful in weaving the mundane stuffs of everyday living into a magical and fruitful life pursuing great things at the same time like: hunting tigers, bewitching men, throwing elegant dinner parties, winning literary fame.
Hmmmm..quite a tall order.
My May 2 ( Monday ) begged me to stop everything and rest. I had to. My visit to the OB was the only significant thing I achieved.
My May 3 ( Tuesday) saw me bringing Marina to the ENT to check out her Tonsils. My check up of her red and swollen throat scared me out of my wits. And it is good, the Doctor assured me all was fine.
It was so nice to bump into my sister Jennie and my nieces Cheska and Nina in the Doctor’s clinic. We ended up having lunch, Marina’s pre- birthday treat at KFC. It was nice to catch up on this and that with my sister while the kids went shopping for Marina’s birthday gift request.
Marina kept on raving that she is soon turning 8. And I could not help but laugh inside at how little girls are so in a hurry to grow up...and women of a certain age like me...are wishing that the hands of time, slow down a bit more. Hahahaha.
As we came home, my BFF was waiting for me with her cute daughter Muni...everything fell into place. My home was really cluttered, but, it was quite a relief not to be so anxious with what my friend would say....that is what friends are for...they can see you in your worst state and accept and love you as you are. Although she volunteered to tidy up for me...I said, no need, let us bask in clutter and let go of our anxious need to put everything in order... for now, let us not be OC. And so we took photos of ourselves despite the background and enjoyed each other. Then by some grace, when they left, I found the extra energy to tidy up just a bit, and it was all it needed. Just a small amount of time and attention and the house was presentable.
Today’s reflection is on The Personality of Your Home.

Allow me to copy it verbatim.

“ A House is who you are, not who you ought to be.” ( Jill Robinson)

Like it or not, the personalities of our homes are accurate barometers that reflect, through our surroundings, where we have been, what’s going on in our lives, and who we are – today, this moment- though not necessarily where we are heading.

Admittedly, this is not the most reassuring thought for a meditation, especially if you could see the state of my home as I write. Nevertheless, it’s true. “ You will express yourself in your house whether you want to or not.” Said the mother of modern style, Elsie De Wolfe, who transformed the way America decorated for half a century with her book, The House in Good Taste, written in 1913.

Your response is probably: If I had the money to redecorate, you’d see the real me.” No doubt. I don’t entirely disagree. But we can’t afford to put our lives and creativity on hold until there is more cash, because we end up shortchanging ourselves and those we love. Today we can use the simple abundance steps- acceptance, blessings our circumstances, and discovering our personal preferences – to jumps start the expression of our authenticity through the way we care for and decorate our homes. When we do, the principles of gratitude, simplicity and order will begin to transform the places where we live into hallowed havens of comfort and contentment- with or without the new slipcovers.

After my first book was published, a sleek, glossy magazine known for the lush pictorials ( which I adore) wanted to pay me a visit for an intimate glimpse of the “ woman behind the book.” So successfully it seemed, had I evoked the Victorian era in my writing that the magazine assumed I lived in a perfectly restored nineteenth-century home. How could I not?

Alas, I don’t. And I panicked.

“ Calm down,” a longtime friend who works in Hollywood consoled me. “ Pull focus and take another look.” In the movie business, “ pulling focus” occurs when the cinematographer slowly adjusts the camera lens for sharpest clarity of image. “ Your home is warm, charming, cozy, interesting, inviting. There are fabulous shots all around you. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” But as a journalist, I knew what the magazine expected, and I didn’t live in it. If my home was going to be on public display, I wanted it to be a perfect; I desperately wanted to live up to the expectation of others instead of realizing that living up to my own was difficult enough. Instead my publicist arranged for the interview to take place over afternoon tea is a hotel.


While the money certainly helps us express ourselves through our surroundings, creating a warm, inviting home that reflects our own personality doesn’t have to begin by hiring a decorator or pulling out our credit cards or check book.

Today, no matter where or how you live, look upon your home through the eyes of Love. Walk around the rooms and offer thanks for the walls and roof that safely enclose you and yours. Pause for a moment to consider all the women who have lost their homes through death, divorce, debt, or disaster. Be grateful for the home you have, knowing that, at this moment, all you have is all you truly need.

What a truly liberating thought.

As I write, my newly found laundry woman Lucing is hanging clothes to dry in the small pocket garden in front of my apartment. Her friend, Lorna is cleaning my walls and doors.

I have been enjoying their services for the past month and my home is slowly and surely getting more collected and clean.

Less dust going around. The laundry basket is empty.

And hopefully by God’s grace, I will welcome my new born in a truly charming and welcoming home when the perfect time comes.

Truly God is great. He is so good.

ALLURE

Amazing and Awesome April 29,2011
9:45 a.m.

Yesterday’s reflection was devoted on intuition. I was not inclined to talk about it. I can actually write a handful on this special gift I possess. But, my blog would be like an suspense thriller novel. Maybe perhaps some other time.

April 29 reflection has to do with Allure: The Feminine Mystique.

I want to copy each and every word of Sarah on this. It is simply beautiful how she plays her thoughts with the proper weaving of words...in every heartbeat at a time. Here she goes:

Ingrid Bergman had it in Casablanca. Fifty years later, Michele Pfeiffer epitomized it as Edith Wharton’s heroine, Countess Ellen Olenska, in the film version of The Age of Innocence. It is allure, the mesmerizing power to entice or attract through personal charm and mystery.

We’re not much into the mystery these days, which is a pity. These are times of tell-all-talk shows, tattletale books, and tabloid truths. Ntozake Shange believe that “ Where there is a woman, there should be mystery. What intrigues me most is the mystery- allure- of how some women seem to pull it all together so effortlessly. This is the aspect of the feminine mystique that compels and invites investigation. Who are these women and how did they evolve into these higher beings?

You see them in business meetings- confident, assured, and in command- or smiling serenely in the hallway at school while waiting patiently to pick up the afternoon car pool, a baby over one shoulder, a toddler in tow. These women don’t look frazzled, fatigued, or fed up; they look fabulous. They do simply juggle; they fly through the air with the greatest of ease. You wonder: what is their secret? Are they on Prozac? Is it plenty of money, being well organized, positive thinking, or the favourable alignment of celestial bodies? Perhaps it is something more profound: a deep spiritual connection.

(Oh how I love these part. It is something I have yet to evolve into. Soon, I hope.)

Does the computer ever break down when these women are on a deadline, do the kids ever whine, does the car ever need to be towed, have they ever taken a dog who just wrestled with a porcupine to the vet?

(Hark! Hark! This picture in my mind is so hilarious.)

You and I have, which is why occasionally Rio de Janeiro sounds appealing.

(or perhaps this animation film called RIO, we have yet to watch it.)

Then without missing a beat you wipe a snotty nose, change a dirty diaper, defrost the hamburger in the microwave, start the spaghetti sauce, sew a button on a coat, help someone with her homework. You pause for a moment, wondering what they would do if you weren’t here and realize in the same breath that you’re awfully glad you are. Much to your astonishment, it occurs to you that you must also possess some aspect of allure because everybody in the house gravitates to you. In the middle of the night they call you name.
And there’s certainly enough mystery to ponder-such as the mystery of what will happen next. But instead of worrying or obsessing, you decide to just let go and see what occurs. You choose to take joy in your real life as it unfolds day by day,, hour by hour, a heartbeat at a time. Emily Dickinson confessed that “ To live is so startling, it leaves little time for anything else.” Your face may never end up on the silver screen. Nor will mine. But we can arrive at an inner awareness that just living and loving it all is alluring enough.

Just as well, my inner resolve to make this blogging efforts of mine be a mystifying and de-mystifying aspect of my being.
The more I share or reveal, the more it will lock in the factor of allure and maybe I can soon realize one of the items in my bucket list...to be part of a great movie production...with maybe my name as title? Hilarious perhaps...so we shall see.

Touch

Amazing and Awesome April 28,2011
12 noon

April 27 reflection of Sarah focuses on the topic entitled: Reach Out and Touch Someone.

She begins with sharing an experience of her friend in healing massage therapy that has tremendously benefited this friend so much. Her friend is a single mother with 2 boys to raise and a career to pursue. Sarah claims that her friend regularly has her massage sessions and has now lessened her sick days.

When Sarah herself experienced her first full body massage, she felt so refreshed and rejuvenated that it was like a tingling and bubbling feeling likened to having champagne for breakfast. It made her very light and in tip top condition afterwards.

Experiments has also pointed out that new born babies have to be cuddled and held a lot. A study made somewhere in Russia revealed that babies in the nursery that received minimal or no touch at all, had low weight gain and soon died of natural causes, while babies in the same nursery, that were given regular touch and cuddling sessions had rapid weight gain and did not get sick easily.

Being away from my husband for long stretches as we are onto our 2nd year being distant due to employment pursuits, has truly put a strain and a challenge to my need to be held now and then by him.

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus challenges us to “...touch me and see....” (Luke 24: 35-48) in the disciples shock and disbelief to see him alive and breaking bread with them after He was crucified to death, it was utterly difficult for them to absorb his actual presence among them.

Many times, Jesus, has saved me from my need to be intimate with my husband. He has blessed us with creative ways to be truly together and as one, not necessarily in body, but in spirit and words.

God’s grace is indeed truly sufficient.

Another longing I have lately is to be able to hold my new born in my arms. I am impatient and excited to have the same experience again with my first born. Holding Marina for the first time in my arms was so exhilarating. I did not like to let go of her...our nursing session dragged to hours without me noticing the time. Ruel had to go back to my room and doze off cause, I was taking so long..and so when I was done, my escort and wheelchair was no longer waiting for me...and yet, I was able to walk back to my room, slowly, and yet...so refreshed and so renewed with the feeling of being so very blessed with that bundle that has been a source of a lot of joy and learning experiences.

“ O world invicible, we view thee,
O world intangible, we touch thee,
O world unknowable, we know thee.” - Francis Thompson

And finally: “ Let us become women who embrace our portion of earthly years with a passion by delighting in our sense of touch.” ( Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance, April 27 reflection)

The Concerto of Real Life

Amazing and Awesome April 26,2011
12:25 p.m.

I have missed doing my Daily Dialogue, Affirmations, Forgiveness and Thanksgiving list for several days now.
The Holy Week activities did really challenge me physically.
By God’s grace, I was able to do our Bisita Iglesia and Seven Last words reflection.
Easter Mass morning then Egg Hunting for Mari in the chapel grounds in Grandpa’s neighbourhood.
Yes, indeed, man proposes and God disposes.
Or is it the other way around?
For one moment there, I am not sure.
Let us see...
We make plans and yet, sometimes, God has a different plan.
Example, we were set to do the Bisita Iglesia at 6pm but as we got to San Roque church, the mass was just starting. I thought it would be much earlier. So, Eleanor said, let’s go to mass first. I planned to just start it, then leave half way, so we wont finish so late in the Bisita Iglesia, but...then, a Greeter and Collector lady, asked me to join the offertory group. I hesitated. My walk has somehow transformed into a waddle...and somehow, walking the long aisle like a big bellied penguin was something not so welcome for me.
Eleanor said yes for me.
And so, it was God’s plan maybe...cause, it was such a blessed and blissful experience. I felt so high being handed the big chalice containing the host of Christ to be offered in behalf of the community.
It was indescribable.
God wanted me to do it, despite my other plans...and so I obliged and yes, He equipped me...my waddle was somehow not so pronounced.... I was not swaying left to right as I walk back to my seat...I was somehow, floating and sashaying gracefully.
Hahahah...and indeed everything fell into place.
God is good.
For today’s reflection...Sarah focuses on the Major and Minor Chords of Pleasure. In life, she says, it is when one thing is taken away from us, that we only realize their importance. Example, if say our sense of hearing is all of a sudden taken away from us....it is such a traumatic experience.
Imagine, you not being able to hear, the tap water flowing...or a river rushing with full force...or your husband’s deep snoring beside you, reminding you, with each rise and fall of his sounds, that he loves you...or the steps of your daughter eagerly and excited to kiss you goodbye as she runs off to her Taekwondo class...or her telling you ...Mama you are beautiful...out of the blue.
Hmmm....
Or.....” ....exquisite sound of silence cascading over me when I momentarily let go and allow the Universe to proceed without my assistance or supervision; and music to soothe, inspire, and move me in unexpected waves of sublime pleasure. The concerto of Real Life is playing, delight with thanksgiving in the major and minor chords of it’s beautiful refrain.” (April 26 reflection, Simple Abundance , Sarah Ban Breathnach)

In Denial and Betrayal

Amazing and Awesome April 21,2011
7:45a.m.


IN DENIAL AND BETRAYAL

As we reflect and observe Holy Thursday today, I marvel and am in awe at the very simple and yet powerful message of LOVE of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
He knew that Peter would deny him several times.
He also knew that Judas would betray Him.
And yet, He washed their feet for them and broke bread with them in the Feast of the Passover.
This week, since Palm Sunday, I was able to watch the powerful film by Mel Gibson, the Passion of Christ.
Several years now, it is my tradition to watch this oh so powerful and vivid film of Jesus, passion, death and resurrection.
Last Tuesday, in replacement for my English Tutorial class for 2 brothers (9 and 10 year old), We watched it again with Marina.
The 10 minute scourging at the pillar was a ghastly sight to watch for them.
They were like glued to the laptop screen.
Marina and I could not bare watching it.
The boys were so transfixed.
It was so interesting to watch them.
They would gasp and flinch now and then as if feeling the pain themselves.
The part where Jesus’ hands were being nailed on the cross,
Joshua and Jerome were starting to exclaim their objections.
And they were anticipating the excruciating pain of the feet part .
For me, as always, I could not bare watch it.
I just listened to the audio...and when the film would show Mama Mary, taking this all in...I was just thinking...Oh My...what terrible agony to watch your own flesh and blood go through such suffering and death.
Yes, indeed, the film Passion of Christ is a good reflection on the great and final work of Jesus for our salvation.
Put in the perspective of all our trivial sufferings and bickering...all seems so small and finite.
The passion of Christ is such a big deal in contrast that requires a positive response from me in my life.
That I, with God’s grace and Mama Mary’s presence...
can overcome, all the denials and rejections and betrayals that I am constantly faced with each day, as I struggle and fall and rise in trudging the road less travelled.

Replenishment and Rejuvenation

Amazing and Awesome April 19,2011
10:55a.m.

Today’s reflection by Sarah Ban Breathnach is on SPRING RITUALS OF REPLENISHMENT.

She starts with a quote from Edward Carpenter:

“ Let your mind be quiet, realizing the beauty of the world, and the immense, the boundless treasures that it holds in store.

All that you have within you, all that your heart desires, all that your nature so specially fits you for- that or the counterpart of it waits embedded in the great Whole, for you. It will surely come to you.

Yet equally surely not one moment before it’s appointed time will it come. All your crying and fever and reaching out of hands will make no difference.

Therefore do not begin that game at all.”

Hmmmm....

Let me proceed by quoting the whole short reflection by Sarah:

This is the season of renewal and replenishment. What better way to begin than to meditate on English poet Edward Carpenter’s assurance that all our needs will be satisfied by the great Whole. Whatever we are waiting for-peace of mind, contentment, grace, the inner awareness of Simple Abundance- it will surely come to us, but only when we are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.

While you are waiting patiently, take comfort and joy in simple springtime rituals of rejuvenation. A favourite of mine is to search for a new sacred space out in the world. This reminds me that we carry our serenity with us. A shady grove of trees in an old cemetery, a beautiful public garden that’s new to you, a museum gallery, the stacks of an old library, the hush of a quiet chapel where you light a candle, even an outdoor cafe where you can sit basking in the sunshine can help you realize the boundless treasure and spiritual replenishment of a perfect solitary hour. Joseph Campbell tells us that “ the sacred space and sacred time and something joyous to do is all we need. Almost then becomes a continous and increasing joy.”

Hmmmmm....simply rejuvenating.
Simply refreshing to focus on.
Thank you Sarah.
Thank you Lord for this moment of grace.

SHALOM

Amazing and Awesome April 15,2011
10:15 a.m.

PEACE
There are times, I cannot help reading ahead in the daily reflections of Sarah. For the rest of the days in this Amazing and Awesome month, she focuses on bringing out one’s authenticity and beauty. Next month she delves into one very challenging and sensitive topic...one’s abode.
I chose to talk on peace for my reflection today. It is one of the basic principles of Simple Abundance.
While I write, Mang Henry, our apartment handy man is chipping away cement of my apartment floor. The pounding, the clink of his iron materials, the spray of broken chips and pieces of cement and dust...is a challenge to my sanity and peace.
I am expecting our apartment administrator to drop by anytime soon. Hopefully as she has promised for the nth time.
I have been waiting and waiting for this since, last Wednesday.
Since last January actually.
Since last year truthfully.
Maybe...hopefully, I will be as cool and serene as Grace Kelly again.
The challenges we face in the apartment has been like a work in progress or testament to my frail and fragile patience.
These past few days, it was all the more tested because, Shirley, the apartment administrator, wants to increase the rent by July despite it's sorry state of the much needed and long overdue repair. She suggested that we vacate the premises instead so they can work on the repair which has been like more than a year’s wait already on our part.
I am sorry, but, this blog will be like a vent of some sort this time.
I just hate it when people of power and authority use their positions to coerce and manipulate people into obliging with their agenda and poor business practices.
It seems, they do not like to do any repair and so, the poor tenant will just throw his hands up in despair and frustration and leave. So, they can just repaint the apartment so it will look nice again, not minding the major issues of plumbing and drainage that has really tested our wits and wills.
Each new tenant offers them a chance to increase the rent. There is no such thing as long term relationships for them or honest to goodness repair. Everything is stop gap. So, the problems are perennial. It does not get resolved.
So, we shall see if she indeed really comes.
I am asking the much needed grace and portion of patience to be able to not lose my cool.
After all, being plagued for more than one year with this challenges is really too much.
I am happy with my neighbourhood that we have come to love for the past 7 years now. So, moving out is not an option for us for this year or next. Having a baby and delivery my baby is not the time for me to be moving homes. Besides, my hubby is still off shore and relocating to our new home without him is something I do not look forward to.
My movement and mobility is being challenge so much lately. Lying down, sitting, walking, bathing or simply putting on my undies and clothes is quite a major feat.
I claim and trust that I will be blessed with the grace to be peaceful and graceful despite all these din around me.
All will be well.
Order, harmony, peace, joy, gratitude, beauty is surrounding me now.
I bask in it’s fruits and blessings.
Shalom. Ommmmm...ommmm.

Simple Abundance: JOY

Amazing and Awesome April 13,2011
7:50 a.m.

JOY

I just shared some nice words with a long lost HS classmate named Joy. Thanks to Facebook this is possible.
I just posted a video of Sarah Ban Breathnach on my Facebook profile page. She talks briefly about the principles of Simple Abundance. Joy is one of them.
Yes....focus on these things...and they will be multiply in your life.
I want to thank God for the following joys in my life this morning:
1. Early rising and the response to the call to prayer.
2. Hearing the nearby Shrine of the Divine Mercy church bells chime as soon as I finished my rosaries.
3. Cool blue skies from my bedroom window.
4. The incessant chirping of birds this morning.
5. Dogs barking and some chickens clucking, roosters crowing.
6. The sound of my neighborhood coming awake.
7. Cool morning breeze and clean and crisp yellow bed sheet in my still warm bed.
8. Reaching out to touch my princess beside me.
9. Lovely thoughts of my distant hubby reminding me I am beautiful.
10. Amazing grace to be alive today!

Loving and Honoring One's Body

Amazing and Awesome April 12, 2011
10:35 a.m.

LEARNING TO LOVE AND HONOR YOUR BODY

Today’s Simple Abundance reflection by Sarah Ban Breathnach is on learning to love and honor one’s body.
Come to think of it, it is the only one we have got from the start to the finish.
So, how we take care of it, pamper , ignore it, hate it, will determine the mileage and the quality of the ride.
Well, of course, there are a lot of other factors beyond our control, like the amount of pesticides that jump into our food with the vegetables we purchase. Now, it is no longer just the pesticide scare, but the amount of radioactive elements/ traces that can now be found in air, land and water c/o the great temblor in Japan.
Hmmmm...
Making peace with the one’s body type is probably the first step we can make in absolute liberation.
Freedom from the pressure of looking like a glossed over fashion mag cover all of the time.
Or a beauty queen gliding in the ramp with a pasted smile and carrying a bouquet in one hand.
Lately, if people constantly tell me I am so huge and look like a Buddha, I am able to easily muster a smile and even prod them to rub my belly for good luck.
I have accepted that with the growing miracle inside me...my body is being prepared for the nursing and nurturing of the soon to pop human being.
Brazo the Mercedes arms...I do not cringe so much when I see them. I just tell myself, it will develop into muscles with the cradling and carrying of the little one soon.
So, whatever body I am blessed with, I am almost 99% at peace.
I have no other choice but to make it a pleasant ride as much as possible.
With a positive thought, all things are positively possible.

Nouvelle Cuisine

Amazing and Awesome April 11,2011
10:45 a.m.


Today, I woke up with a warm gentle feeling over me. Several times, the baby in the belly, made his/her wonderful presence felt when maybe perhaps, my position was cramping him/her. It made me smile.

My Sunday yesterday was indeed a day of replenishment and rejuvenation. My older brother Chubby invited us for dinner at home. He is a very good cook. He prepared Tacos, Fettucine Pasta with black yummy capers and tuna and ordered Shakey’s pizza.

The mood over dinner was very light and nice.

After dinner, the cousins Nina and Marina watched the movie UP to which we glanced to now and then.

Still drooling over the pasta. It was so divine. Nouvelle Cuisine at home yes indeed.

It was simple food but it was so fulfilling.

The ingredients of love and acceptance permeating the air, indeed make ordinary things spectacular that a humble fare can be a King’s ransom.

Simple Abundance is not about frugality and living on fear.

Instead, it focuses on simple and affordable luxuries that give extra color and vibrancy to life.

Sarah said, the Quakers live in very simple circumstances and yet, when they eat, they use the choicest ingredients that are at par or much better than/ with designer restaurants in New York, way ahead of the gourmet and organic craze.

Vicissitudes and Tenterhooks

Amazing and Awesome April 10,2011
8:25 a.m.

These past few days, after 20+ years of having the Simple Abundance book by Sarah Ban Breathnach close on hand, like a north star guiding me in rough and still waters, I have finally googled her and seen pictures and videos of her.
My...it is so nice to match my own picture of her to her real photo.
I also learned that she pronounces her last name in a very novel way. Ban Breenak. Or something like that.
I actually like to pronounce it as breath as in take my breath away.
And nach as in snatch.
I think it is more apt to my experience with her book.
It does takes my breath away...but with the beautiful reflections and rounding off possibilities of life’s vicissitudes...the ebb and tide of tenterhook moments...give way to sublime feeling of wholeness and calm.

LESS IS MORE

Amazing and Awesome April 7,2011
9:01 a.m.

Sarah Ban Breathnach’s reflections for the past few days focus once again on discovering one’s authentic self by paring down on certain things in our life. From the choice of needs over wants to how we clothe ourselves. From fashion to architecture, less is almost always more.
I just let go of my 2 sofa chairs, that has been with us since the start of my family. My husband bought it for our first home which was just a one studio thing.
I learned to love it through the years.
But as we moved into a much smaller apartment it became something of a sore thumb. The size did not fit in very well.
So, I let go of the long couch first despite the obvious displeasure of both my hubby and my pre-schooler.
And finally, after several years, I finally let go of the 2 arm chairs which have been so scratched and peeling off already.
Many attempts to have it re-upholstered have been unsuccessful.
Either hubby and I would at times, rescind on the plan.
So, thank God, finally, it is gone.
I am enjoying the empty space it formerly occupied.
And after several days of leaving it in a sorry state... my daughter and I have slowly transformed it into a reading nook for her. She and I love it so much.
I am so thrilled to see her new choicest books take up pleasant residence on the top level of the small shelf my brother asked me to babysit for him.
The wonder and fun of reading time my daughter and I get from the book of box we just got of The Diary of the Wimpy Kid shares the space with her modest volume of Nancy Drew books which were last Christmas gift to Marina.
The Diary collection was her end of the home school year reward. Something which I found as a good investment although it caused quite a dent on my pocket over the weekend.
Definitely, letting go is major step one has to master in order to bask in the holy principle of Less is More.
Thanks Sarah for showing me the way through all these years.

I am so HAPPY!

I just got a bit of good news as I was about to turn in for the night.
Hubby and I have just patched some loose things up.
Our version of kiss and make up via cyberspace is another feather to creativity.
hahaha.
Anyway, it is something that will fill up pages of some next blog I will create when I have the guts to talk and share about these intimate stuff.
Google just approved my application for ADSENSE.
Hurray!
I just hope and pray the good Lord will bless this endeavour to success.
Just like Jabez, I pray for an increase in territory.
I will continue my reflections on the Simple Abundance book of Sarah Ban Breathnach. Then, I will find a way to include my daughter's blog on homeschooling and many other things.
See you soon.
Thanks for following.

Cool Under Extreme Pressure

Amazing April 3,2011
9:25 a.m.


Wow! April started with such a blast. It almost blew me out of this world. The good thing was that I was able to keep my poise and composure. Something so unlike me, the scattered brained scaredy cat me.
No... this time I was like Grace Kelly in elegance and class.
They attempted to embarrass me.
They hurt my cub.
The lioness in me...took everything in stride.
I chose to just grin and bear it first.
Then the process of justice and retribution will begin in the proper course and courts of time.
I pat myself for accomplishing such a feat when they went for the jugular then turned around and said, I was just making a ghost.
My perception was faulty.
Adding insult to injury.
I was already dealt a heavy blow and say I just imagined it????
Hmmmmm.... and so we shall see.
I still claim this month to be Amazing and Awesome...despite the awful start.
I am in the process of moving from indignation to inspiration to take this negative situation to a positive level where the light of Jesus will shine.
Let me end, this almost angst riddled blog with the quote from April 3 reflection of Sarah:
“ Inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that’s where I renew springs that never dry up.”
( Pearl Buck)

Fashion Versus Style

Magnificent March 30,2011
9:10 a.m.

Today’s Simple Abundance reflection by Sarah focuses on developing once own style. This carries over to tomorrow’s thoughts as well.
I guess the quote of Coco Chanel says it all:
“ Fashion fades, style remains.”
I never have been a fashionista.
I have never been into labels as well.
I am so much into my individuality that I want to celebrate it not to be different, but as a matter of expression.
When I was in my early teens, I ripped off the triangle label of my favourite ribbed blue denims so that I will not be stuck with a label.
It was received with much shock.
My peers at that time where into the right tags behind them.
I was not and still am not.
I go for self definitions rather than trendiness.

Comfort Clothes and What They Mean

Magnificent March 29,2011
9:10a.m.

For today’s reflection Sarah discusses on Comfort Clothes and What They Mean?
Basically it is some article of clothing that we can be our best self .
A shirt, a dress, or even pajamas that makes us feel good inside and out.

Hmmm....today, I am wearing a 20 year old shirt dress made of white cotton. It was given to me as a Christmas gift by my sister in law Wing. Who by the way also gave me this wonderful book by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

I’d say, this is my most favored piece of comfort clothes. I can use it 24 hours a day. All night and all day. Actually I just did.

It has such a cute print of Winnie the Pooh and Piglet hanging onto a huge purple balloon as they float among the blue clouds.

It has a caption that says: Straight on to Valentine’s day.

There is a 2 inch hole in the left shoulder seam...but, all in all, it still serves the purpose of making me warm and cozy inside...making me feel lovable and loving with the focus on the hearts day.

Of late, I love wearing my pregnant dark blue denim shorts. Something which caused one of the maids in the house I just visited to make a comment. She found it incredulous that I, big belly and all still can afford to wear shorts and denims at that.

It really amused me no end.

I guess, soon after the baby pops, that would be my signature style. Denim shorts will be my uniform. It is very easy to maintain. Does not stain easily. Washes perfectly.

Now, finally, I have found my everyday versatile style. Something that will require my legs to be always in presentable condition. Nary a stray hair in sight. Hahaahhaa. Talking about best leg forward...Let’s march onward now magnificently.

Clearing Fashion Mistakes

Hmmm...not so inclined to talk about fashion today.
Sarah's very lenghty reflection for March 27 is focused on just that.
My fashion statement is comfort.
If it is not comfortable it will not be fun to wear it.
A few weekends ago, I pulled out my 8 year old preggy clothes that I adore. It is a black knit blouse with a black Old Navy straight skirt with side slit.
Marina admired it so much.
I made her wear a similar theme of black sphaghetti stap knit dress with tiny silver sparkles.
I made her use her sequined muffler/scarf.
My faux pax?
I wore a nude bra that saw through the sheer fabric of my blouse, otherwise, I was perfectly comfortable.
Unfortunately, it did not get a desired comment from one person.
But, it did not affect my mood cause, I just felt so good.
BTW, I do have a baby bump.
It is big.
So why hide it.
I intend to flaunt it as much as I can.
Brace yourselves if it doesnt suit you cause at this point I really do not care what other people say...so long as I am comfortable with who I am and what I put on.

PANACHE,EXQUISITE TASTE

Magnificent March 27,2011
10:25a.m.

I woke up admiring the blue skies and the cotton fluffy clouds floating by. The chirping of the birds was so uplifting that lazing a bit more in bed was a welcome option.
Marina declared the Earth Hour should be observed every night.
She enjoyed playing with her friends in the dark driveway.
Eleanore and I prepared a special treat of siomai that made them want for more.
It was just wonderful.
Cool breeze blowing while the skies slowly cleared to show the dark night. Not so much stars but...it was still wonderful.
Today, Sarah’s March 27 reflection is on Authenticity in clothes and it is never too late to being the great person one is meant to be. Once again, I will transcribe each of her wonderful words. It is just too beautiful to intrude my insights on.

GLIMMERS FROM THE GOLDEN MIRROR

“ It is never to late to be what you might have been” George Eliot.

When I began to embark regularly on the golden mirror meditation to meet with my authentic self, one of my recurring insights didn’t seem very spiritual but certainly uplifting. I delighted in discovering that my authentic self was very well dressed and always managed to look glorious, whether the occasion of my creative visualization called for a cotton sweater from the Gap or a wool crepe Giorgio Armani suit. You’ve probably received revealing glimmers from the other side of the Golden mirror. By paying attention to the subtle signals the woman within is constantly trying to send us, we can learn how to reflect our own best image, even if our pocketbooks don’t match our exquisite taste.
Paying close attention to the nuances, I noticed that simplicity was my authentic self’s signature. Simplicity is also the key to pulling together and conveying a personal style with panache. It’s a woman of substance’s secret weapon. Think of Katherine Hepburne’s trousers in the 1930’s, Grace Kelly’s hair and handbag in the 1950’s, Jacqueline Kennedy’s pillbox hats in the 1960’s and Lauren Hutton’s white t-shirt and khakis in the 1990’s.
Understated. Elegant. Chic. Classy. Stunning.
Simplicity is a fashion statement every woman today can make no matter what her personal style has been in the past. That’s because true simplicity never disappoints. Once you learn that less is more, then enough becomes plenty, and your entire outlook on life-including fashion- is transformed.
Today, I want to ask you to consider clearing away the fashion clutter of past incarnation that lurks in your closets. Just because you bought it once doesn’t mean you have to keep it forever. Be willing to let simplicity pare down your wardrobe to your authentic essence: identify the clothes you absolutely love and can’t imagine living without. That is all. Merely consider and identify, while remembering that it is never too late for you to become the woman you were meant to be. Today you’re one step closer to her.

PANACHE,EXQUISITE TASTE

Magnificent March 27,2011
10:25a.m.

I woke up admiring the blue skies and the cotton fluffy clouds floating by. The chirping of the birds was so uplifting that lazing a bit more in bed was a welcome option.
Marina declared the Earth Hour should be observed every night.
She enjoyed playing with her friends in the dark driveway.
Eleanore and I prepared a special treat of siomai that made them want for more.
It was just wonderful.
Cool breeze blowing while the skies slowly cleared to show the dark night. Not so much stars but...it was still wonderful.
Today, Sarah’s March 27 reflection is on Authenticity in clothes and it is never too late to being the great person one is meant to be. Once again, I will transcribe each of her wonderful words. It is just too beautiful to intrude my insights on.

GLIMMERS FROM THE GOLDEN MIRROR

“ It is never to late to be what you might have been” George Eliot.

When I began to embark regularly on the golden mirror meditation to meet with my authentic self, one of my recurring insights didn’t seem very spiritual but certainly uplifting. I delighted in discovering that my authentic self was very well dressed and always managed to look glorious, whether the occasion of my creative visualization called for a cotton sweater from the Gap or a wool crepe Giorgio Armani suit. You’ve probably received revealing glimmers from the other side of the Golden mirror. By paying attention to the subtle signals the woman within is constantly trying to send us, we can learn how to reflect our own best image, even if our pocketbooks don’t match our exquisite taste.
Paying close attention to the nuances, I noticed that simplicity was my authentic self’s signature. Simplicity is also the key to pulling together and conveying a personal style with panache. It’s a woman of substance’s secret weapon. Think of Katherine Hepburne’s trousers in the 1930’s, Grace Kelly’s hair and handbag in the 1950’s, Jacqueline Kennedy’s pillbox hats in the 1960’s and Lauren Hutton’s white t-shirt and khakis in the 1990’s.
Understated. Elegant. Chic. Classy. Stunning.
Simplicity is a fashion statement every woman today can make no matter what her personal style has been in the past. That’s because true simplicity never disappoints. Once you learn that less is more, then enough becomes plenty, and your entire outlook on life-including fashion- is transformed.
Today, I want to ask you to consider clearing away the fashion clutter of past incarnation that lurks in your closets. Just because you bought it once doesn’t mean you have to keep it forever. Be willing to let simplicity pare down your wardrobe to your authentic essence: identify the clothes you absolutely love and can’t imagine living without. That is all. Merely consider and identify, while remembering that it is never too late for you to become the woman you were meant to be. Today you’re one step closer to her.

HIDDEN SABOTEUR: THE BLUES

Magnificent March 26,2011
12:25pm

It is a lazy Saturday for Marina and I.
She has no lyre practice today.
It has been moved to April 1. Unfortunately it is the schedule of her home school moving up exercise. And she also has another schedule for her McDonalds Kiddie Crew orientation.

I am not so inclined to have her join this for her 2nd summer this time. Hmmm. We will see.

I woke up so early in the morning yesterday around 3a.m.

I was experiencing a severe stomach discomfort. It lasted for 1 hour. I was trying to figure out if I was having pre term labor pains. I thought I was gonna call my OB already. Good thing it went away after an hour. I guess, I got tired doing my grocery errand yesterday.

Gotta slow things down a little bit more. Ah, now I remember, I did some tidying up of the spare room Thursday morning. Hmmmm...proper pacing I guess.

I didn’t do my morning routine yesterday. I didn’t make my blog reflections as well. That is why, I was really amused to see this morning that Sarah’s reflection for March 24 had to do on how to deal with the hidden saboteur, the blues when it comes to hit you really bad.

It is a matter of tying the needs and the wants in one common, harmonious knot.

At times, the wants really get the better of you.

Your head tells you one thing....and yet, the heartstrings pull you in the different directions of more wants.

Time to pull out the coping strategies and put them into good use. One of which is reaching out for your comfort foods. No wonder. I got myself a generous jar of delicious Durian Jam from Davao in the grocery. Lovely.Delightful.Heaven.

First-Rate Version

Magnificent March 24,2011
8:00 a.m.


Oh, I am just so excited to share Sarah’s March 23 reflection: Always Be a First-Rate Version of Yourself.
She starts with a quote from Judy Garland:
“ Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.”

I make a terrible Judy Garland but I do a pretty good Sarah Ban Breathnach. It’s taken me nearly my entire lifetime to come to this awareness, but I’ve not been the same woman since I did. Neither will you be once this truth awakens in your heart.

You see, whether we are consciously aware of it or not, we’re constantly programmed by the world to be other women, not ourselves. We’re supposed to look like Cindy Crawford, entertain like Martha Stewart, and decorate like Alexandra Stoddard. With this pervasive social schizophrenia, it’s no wonder that most women are terribly confused about the issue of authenticity.

According to Webster’s Dictionary, to be authentic is to be “ not imaginary, false or imitation.” To be authentic is to be “ genuine, veritable,bona fide,” being actually and precisely as claimed.” The only thing that we can genuinely claim to be is ourselves. But our best is good enough, even on a bad day. I know a woman who is a high powered advertising executive in New York. There is no one I know on the planet who is more creative, articulate, accomplished and funny, but some days she doesn’t see it that way. She grew up in a home where performance was always graded and as a result she’s extremely hard on herself. Her personal grade of C- is probably everybody’s A+.

We are all so hard on ourselves. We not only want to be other people, we want to be a perfect version of them.

Let me tell you about another woman I know, When her first book was published, close friends will testify, she acted like a raving lunatic. Instead of congratulating herself on producing such a beautiful book after years of effort, she was about to throw herself on a cliff because she had used a wrong verb tense in one sentence. Instead of celebrating her achievement, she robbed herself of joy.

Now, she knows better, thank God. Did you know Amish quilters will deliberately add a mismatched patch to each quilt to remind them that only Spirit can create perfectly? We need to remember that. We should only strive to be a first rate version of ourselves. And our best is always good enough.

Oh, what a refreshing reminder to us, to me in particular, as I am on the last 2 months stretch before my appointment with the stork.

My long list of TO DO is driving me up the wall already. I initially wanted everything to be perfect...but, now, I have to pace myself and say....Let Go...and Let God. So long as I do what I need to do...all others will fall into place. Good enough for me...and that is for the best

Service,Honor and Self Confidence

Magnificent March 23,2011
8:45 a.m.

One of my blogging goals is not to make this a vent of angst or frustration.
I found another way of resolving those snagging issues of the body and soul.
And yet, this morning, I am not really inclined to ponder on Sarah’s Why Self Confidence Cannot Be Bought, But Can Be Borrowed reflections.
I will try to connect it to what I gleaned from today’s Gospel readings and reflections from my daily bible guide emailed to me by Kerygma.
Jesus exhorts us to do loving service without regard for the pat in the back or the commendation from people who count or are the object of our service.
He says, that once we focus on places of honor because of what we do, it erases all the points that we may have earned from doing a good job.
This was mentioned with respect to the request of the wife of Zebedee for her two sons to seat one on the right and the other on the left of Jesus. (Matthew 20:17-28).
Whoever wishes to be great shall be a servant Jesus tells us.
As a wife and mother, it is almost often a thankless toil of continous tasks.
I remember the many many times my own mom served meals for us without me verbalizing thank you.
But day in and day out, there was food on our table.
Now, that I am a mother myself, I try to instil and cultivate gratitude in my daughter.
More by actions now than in words.
It is more effective.
I bask and relish at the glorious feeling of a job well done at the end of the day when I receive a bonus treat as my daughter expresses her gratitude.
But then again, it is better not to expect, so when it comes, it is much more sweeter.
In one of my more difficult moments in my current pregnancy, my husband expressed his apologies that I was going through so much rough moments.
His simple yet very heartfelt sorry made me snap out of my awful disposition.
It made me sit up.
Much straighter despite all the aches and pains and discomfort.
What I have inside of me now, is one of the greatest miracles of our Lord.
I am given the honor and privilege of being part of this great work.
My confidence lies not in my own effort...but in Him who has initiated this, for He will equip me and provide for me....and that cannot be taken away from me, for He has assured me, time and time and again...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

What is Self Confidence?

Magnificent March 22,2011
9:10 a.m.

Sarah Ban Breatnach’s reflection for March 21 in her book: Simple Abundance focuses on What is Self Confidence?

Not so long ago, a long lost friend pops up into my life and declares to me that he has already achieved financial freedom.
That was a clear and stark revelation of self confidence.
I was really floored and was really swept away by this tide of optimism.
Could I muster the same words without sounding self conceited and so overly obnoxious?
I am not really sure myself.
At this point in my life, the connection between my ability to generate income and my level of can do attitude is still a blur.
I try not castigate myself anymore for this.
I know that all I have is all I need.
My role as a full time homeschool mom and a soon to be mom a 2nd time is a 24/7 requirement. I may not see my bank account jump in leaps and bounds...but I know that I just have to do what I need to do at the moment and later on, be able to do what I want to do with more satisfaction that all is well that starts and ends well.
I will quote from the page of the book as I end my reflection. Sarah’s own words are very enlightening.

What is Self Confidence?
Many women confuse self esteem with self confidence. For me, self esteem is how we really feel about ourselves in the secret sanctuary of our soul. Do we love, accept and approve of ourselves unconditionally? Do we believe that we are worthy of the love of others and the best that life has to offer? The quality of our self esteem is very deeply connected to the relationship with our first and most important critics: our parents. If they unconditionally loved, accepted and approved of us, then we probably do too.
But self confidence is a special elixir that Spirit has prepared to help each of us face and surmount the challenges of life. It’s aromatic blend of invigorating essences, attitude, experience, knowledge, wisdom and optimism and faith. If we were fortunate enough to grow up in loving and supportive homes and our self esteem is strong, we learned our own homeopathic formula early. If we did not, then we need to learn how to mix our own custom blend. What’s important to realize is that self confidence is available to all of us.
An optimistic attitude is essential to self confidence. So is learning from our mistakes and recognizing that everything in life can be used as a lesson once we are willing to be taught. “ if you think you can, you can,” the American cosmetic entrepreneur Mary Kay Ash tells us, “ And if you think you can’t , you are right.”
Today, tell yourself that you can do anything you want to do. Because you can. Like an expensive perfume, only a smidgen of self confidence is needed to enhance a woman’s authentic aura.

Very well said. Hopefully soon, my words will be as delicious as Sarah’s. I know I can do this. I am right. Well done is almost always better than well said.