13th on 2013

How It All Started?

The year was 2000. It was a year of promise despite the Y2k doomsday scenarios that were swirling around. I was just enjoying my new found career in a paging company.

My officemate suddenly became extra excited over something. We later on learned that a new guy was starting out in the workplace with us.

Then, one afternoon, this new guy passed by my glass cubicle and gave me this very sticky look which wasn’t exactly icky. It would have been the case with another guy maybe. Surprisingly, from this lanky and a bit thin lad, it wasn’t. It amused me no end to find out  some feelings surfacing from within me...feelings that I haven’t felt in a long time especially I was still mending a broken heart over a 4 year old relationship that ended in a jolt one Valentine Day in the doomed Ima’s restaurant in Ortigas.

And thus, I was keeping a keen eye when this new guy would show his disturbing presence again. It took a while. What I had to contend with was a document on the outbox with his name on the senders space to our branch in Dansalan.

I mused on his name. It sounded BIG. Hmmm...big things to come? Shrugged it off as weird.

On Valentines day, I got a call from my friend in the Technical Department. Randy said, somebody wanted to get to know me. I had to quell feelings of satisfied excitement in me. He gave the phone to HIM. He sounded initially as very boyish. He asked what I was doing after office. I said, I had a date. I didn’t say, I was going to see my mom who was sick. Mom was battling Stage 4 Nasopharynx cancer. I even got her some roses. It was also a double weapon. A show item so people would think I was the recipient of some passionate affection. Hahahaa.

But, I said, If you want we can go out next week.  I am not so sure anymore now, if we set the date at that first call or he had subsequent calls to my local number. I just remember how flustered I was before the date. I wanted to call it off...but my good friend Chuckie...kept me company and urged me to go on with it. And so I did. It was February 19. Hmmm, tomorrow would be the 13^th year anniversary of our first date.

Nice.

And so, we had pasta and ice tea without the ice at Pizza Hut megamall. We strolled from Robinson’s Galleria, ADB, El Pueblo to Megamall.

In the course of our conversation, I realized ( was I so dense? ) that he was so much younger than I was. I said to myself, no way Jose! This is not my cup of tea.

And what he said, a little later almost made me drop from my chair.

He said, “ I am not looking for a girlfriend...”

Inside me I heaved a sigh of relief, then ambivalence crept in. I thought, is he trying to insult me now that he has found out I was 5 years his senior. Hmmmm.

Then, he continued “...I am looking for a wife.!”

I said to myself..this young man knows what he wants....and he did, it was sitting in front of  him.

With some convincing talk about his grandmother being older than his grandfather, I said to myself, maybe this is workable after all.

Maybe he is worth the getting know part.

By  April fools day, I was giddy already with his presence. I found him so intoxicating and heady.  And, gave him the surprise of his life . I made up this drama.  I behaved sad and morose. I told him, I had bad news for him. I was drumming up his exit papers  from my life with some talk about the end of the line is here and time to take a hike is now. Then I gave him a note, saying I have a small note of thanks. I can never forget how he looked. I thought he was gonna cry. Imagine!!

Then I said, read my note of thanks...but in it, I said: I think I am falling for you!

He almost hugged me with delight.

I had to stop him coz we still were not in that stage of our relationship yet.

It was the day that marked our steadiness of seeing each other.

By May, it was clear that we were so into each other. We liked being with each other so much.

 In fact, there was a lighting bolt moment with us.

Really! Truly! Madly! Deeply! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQnAxOQxQIU

Something I have never experienced before. I had boyfriends before him. Holding hands was nothing new. But, the first time he held my hands, my goodness...an electric impulse shot through my body touching me in such a powerful force that left me dumb struck of what had just transpired.

I cannot reveal, out of shyness, till now, we have 2 beautiful babies together, the path the lighting strike moment took and reached.

It was so ecstatic.

Electric!

Penetratingly deep into my core.

One day, I could not sleep. We talked. I said, what we have is something very strong. The connection. The affection. I said, fumbingly...I think I know what I like, I have a fair idea of what you like as well, I said, I think, it is time for us to seek what God likes for us in this coming days.

Usually, I seek prayer in moments like this. So I proposed, long before Donita and Piolo starred in Nine Mornings, that we meet each other for 9 consecutive mornings in the Our Lady of Fatima church and we shall see.

Again, I was surprised by his reaction. I thought he would say, ok, let’s think about it.

But, he said, let us start right away. Tomorrow he said.

And so we did.

Surprisingly, he was always on time.

I asked him not to pick me up. I said, we shall see each other there.

Our 8^th day was a  Sunday. I guess, I stayed up late watching tv. And so, it was a mad rush to get dressed. I just pulled over something available without much thought about it.

I was late. But, I saw him right away. I joined him in the pew. Lots of people, but a space was made available for me beside him.

A series of surprises happened.

One of the Mother Butler ladies approached me while mass was going on, asking me if I can be part of the offertory group. I said yes. I asked myself later on, why me. I am wearing pants. They usually pick ladies  in Sunday dresses for this things.

Then a very weird incident happened..I was given the chalice containing the hosts. Again, this was not usually done. I thought I was gonna be given the candles or the flowers. I felt, I did not again fit the proper dress code. I was in a white long sleeved polo and jeans. Hmmm...

Then when it was time to march,.it became a surreal moment, everything was hushed quiet, movements were slow and muted...then I realized is this how it feels to be walking down the aisle in white..it felt like heaven. It felt like clouds.

During Our Father, Ruel held my hands and did not let go of it till the end of the mass..then I wrote with my fingers on his hand,Y-E-S.

Again, he almost hugged me with happiness.

I had to duck to avoid it.

The following day, I thought we would not finish the 9^th day. But Ruel was still up to it. I mean, I jumpstarted it with my YES already, didn’t I?

He still wanted to see it through and so we did.

I was still quietly savouring the thought that I was once again taken. We were now an ITEM. He was officially my boyfriend as of May 28,2000.

My friends in Singles for Christ were so happy for me when I broke the news to them during our sports event later that Sunday. But somehow, I became a bit unsure. Then I bumped into a sis who singled me out a few months back about her relationship struggles with her boyfriend who was younger than her. I had to muster my best judgement so I could give her a good advise...but deep inside me, I said, I will never be caught in the same shoes as her.

I wasn’t just in the same shoes. I had my foot in my mouth.

And, self doubt clouded my day.

And  so, after mass that early Monday morning, Ruel, invited me for breakfast at McDonalds barangka. It was still closed. So, we had to go to Chowking Maysilo.

He went to the counter to order while I bee lined for the newspaper rack.

The Philippine Star magazine was available. Good I thought. I looked for my favourite writer, Harold Sala.

I eagerly started reading the scripture verse that usually started his article. Jeremiah 29:11.

Yes, this is the one.

I was searching and searching for this verse one day with no success.

Now, it was showing me it’s wisdom face to face.

Then, I was happy.

I started reading his article. He talked about missionary workers that found themselves in love with one another in a distant land. A place that they did not expect to find love.

Then, I said, wait. What is the title of this article? This is interesting.

In big bold letters...CAN YOU TRUST GOD IN FINDING A MATE?

The scripture verse font was maybe 9 while the title was maybe 16!

Was God confirming the path I was taking with Ruel?

I felt like He was.

I showed Ruel the article and he just smiled.

I asked the waiters if I could have the page of the mag. It is still with me...infact, I just got to hold it yesterday in my de cluttering activities.

It made me shed a few tears of love and cravings.  I wanted to hug my pillow again. I wanted to feel his arms around me again. I felt I could not wait till the next time we see each other. I felt I wanted to burst.

Over a month after that ,during a very bad storm...he braved coming back to the metro with some kind of urgency. I thought he had a highly perishable pasalubong for me that he had to bring to me despite the foul weather. Out of concern for his safety, I urged him to just bring it to me the following day. But he had to have his way.

Upon entering the house after his shift ended at past 10pm, I was trying to see what he had in his hands. Nothing. Of course, I did not like to show I was so eager to receive his something.

We sat quietly beside each other.

Then he said, holding my hands, close your eyes. I hesitated thinking he was gonna steal a kiss from me. Not that I did not like, but I felt, it was to early in the relationship and too late in the night.

So, I shut my eyes with some anxiety.

Then, slowly, I felt, he held my ring finger, and slipped something into it. I opened my eyes right away.

I saw something very simple and yet very beautiful. Curving gold lines with a diamond stone in the middle.

I asked him..what does this mean.

He smirked.

You know what already.

I said...are you sure...coz, I am not sure.

He said, he was.

Then  I shooed him away right after that since I felt panicky.

The following day, as I was on my way home to show the ring to mom...I was again frozen to my tracks when I realized what day it was the day before.

July 7.

So what? What was the significance.

You see, when I was in my mid twenties, people would always bug me with questions of when I would settle  down and be married. It came to the point of exasperation and just to make these people stop, I said, you will know come July 7. It always made it their turn to be dumb struck when they saw my confidence. What year they would ask? I’d say, you will know when the day comes.

Why did I chose that date...it is my favourite number. The 7^th day of the 7^th month. I am the number 7^th in the family and so...I love the number. 

7 years after my prophetic words...the love of my life proposed and I had no choice but to trust God every step of the way.

And, it had been such a rich and wonderful experience. Oh, there were/are a lot of bumps along the way, but God, in His goodness, gives us the grace to hold on, weather the storm..and I would not have it any other way. I’d still say yes cause corny as it may sound and how Savage Garden would croon,” I knew I love you before I met you.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjnmICxvoVY

Sweetie, Happy 13^th year anniversary of our first date come tomorrow, Feb.19.

Belated Happy 11^th year wedding anniversary last Jan.30.

You will be myone and  only Hot UP Oblation and funny Valentine!

Letter to Graciela

May 6,2011 12:05 a.m.
Dear Graciela:
Congratulations for reaching another milestone in your young life. High School.
 Now, you are just about ready to step into the college before you usher in full adulthood.
I really would like to applaud your mom for really pushing for this book of wishes and memories. It is such a beautiful mommy idea.
My daughter, your cousin, Marina just turned 8 yesterday....and I also wished that I could have thought of something similar.
  As parents, we wish for you, our children, to do spread your wings and reach new heights, but, at the same time, we want for you to have developed your roots...that will keep you grounded. Memories and links and bonds to your blood relations is one way of establishing this.
Soon, I will be giving birth to another addition to the clan. I am told it is going to be another girl. I prepared the name Ana Marcelina. Ana from my name Angelli Anne and Marcelina from your great grandmother in your mom’s side.
Mama Marcelina, as we call her is one strong character. I do have very fond memories of her. I was I think, 9 or 10 years old. I was somehow, so frail and thin. Result of being a picky eater.
 One night before bedtime, she gently pulled me to the dinning room, and offered me a glass of ice cold milk.
It was such a novelty. It was such a treat. I never took milk in a glass, nor with ice and at that time of the day. Ever.
And you know what, without any fuss, I drank it. And I thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe, because, I was in a very a rare situation. My grandmother mixing me a glass of milk, giving it to me tenderly...that I could not refuse...If I am not mistaken, I somehow was lactose intolerant until that point. Milk would make me gag and throw up. Wonders of wonders in that crystal moment...it did not. It was like those milk ad moments.
Goes to show, that any small act of kindness or love....will go a very long way in making the heart...really be filled with joy. Mama Marcelina did not say much. She just watched me drink the milk. Her presence that time and the lingering memory of that incident has made me feel loved and warm. Never alone. Never forgotten.
Now, I want to share with you a fond memory of your mom’s mom...we call her Auntie Nita. I remember your grandmother, my dad’s sister, as the one who was so careful with her appearance. I will never forget her instructions to us girls...or to the teenagers among us, not me definitely that time.. on how to augment your breast size naturally. She shared to us, how to do it. And, secretly, I did it...when, bra size, started to matter to me. Did it work? I am not so sure. But, it sure made me remember her so much. And there was the time, Auntie Nita, initiated the making of Persimmons jam. I think, if I am not mistaken, she brought a big bulk of tomatoes from Baguio that time. She was raving about how it can be made into jam as similar as Persimmon jams. It was such a by word. It clicked and we all ended up trying to peel soft boiled tomatoes while they were still a bit warm to the touch. She says, it was how it was supposed to be done. I think, I was about 7 that time. All the other Aunties were there, Auntie Lily ( Cid)...Auntie Cora (Paras) and maybe ( not sure ) Auntie Nedz ( the madre)....and most of my siblings. Amidts all the oohs and the ahhs of handling warm tomatoes to peel off....we soon realized, Auntie Nenita or Nita was nowhere to be found. I think, she slipped away unnoticed to do some shopping in the nearby Barter Trade Market ( the equivalent now of bazaars in Greenhills etc.) with great bargains of imported items. People would usually go to Zamboanga City just to do shopping in the then famous Barter Trade Market. This was around the late 1970’s. When her absence was finally noticed....her other sisters were already almost halfway done with the jams, figuring out how it would be done, on their own, without the expert tutelage of the initiator.
I learned early on, that was one of your grandmother’s traits. A trait, which somehow , finds it presence in most of my ways....I start then don’t finish ....most of the time.
Don’t get me wrong, it was such a charming memory of Auntie Nita...who I noted to be a carefree spirit who loved to laugh and enjoy life. I will forever have her memory in Grandma Marcelina and Grandpa Calixto’s 50th Golden wedding anniversary, where her gown was really fetching.
It complimented her really slim and trim figure. It was a halter v-necked gown, bare back with a big rose in between her breasts. I think it was in brown. She was really beautiful in her gown. If I am not mistaken, your mom had a complimenting mother daughter gown with her.
I was still 4 or 5 at that time...but browsing through the albums....always made me so much in awe of her photo. Maybe something, I still have yet to find the guts and courage to put on something similar in the near future. Hahahaha....
I hope....I made you feel good with my short trip down memory lane with your direct ancestors. One thing is for sure, we may be separated by miles and miles of land and water....the bonds of blood will always be there. And they are as thick as we want to make it.
Again, I pray that the Lord keep you in His care, protection and mighty providence at all times. In all your small and big decisions, make your mom proud of you. She is your first and probably biggest cheerleader. I should know....I am a mom too. Do listen and keep her teachings to you in your heart. Always. It is meant for your good and nothing more. God Bless and God speed in all your endeavours. Yours, Auntie Ni-Anne de Leon- Espinoza

Happy Birthday Mom!

It is my mom’s birthday today! I woke up very early with thoughts on her. I looked at either sides of me at my 2 lovely daughters in deep sleep. I remembered my promise...to be even just half of what a good mother my mom was to me to them. How could I ever forget what she did for me? It was 1997. A cyst in my right breast area was oozing blood and something else. Mom was with me processing papers so I could have it operated on. All throughout this going about...she was in a most serious countenance. Then when I had to walk into the operating room theatre...got lost in the billowing thick green curtains, I had to go back out to the waiting room. I felt lost. I felt scared. That is when I caught sight of her. Clutching her rosary, she was in the deepest state of prayer. As I neared her..she opened her eyes slowly and looked at me. Sensing me even when I did not make any sound. She looked at me with such seriousness that made me a bit uneasy. She said, “ Ni, whatever that is, I already asked God to give it to me instead.” All I could muster was a weak, Ma! I wanted to tell her Dont! Take it back Mom! Almost a year after that she was diagnosed with Nasopharynx cancer stage 4. I saw her struggle bravely. She surpassed the time frame set on her. She even told me to hurry up on my wedding date schedule...so she could still be part of it. Funny, our target was January 28,2001. I vacillated. I hesitated. Well, it was her scheduled time to meet her maker. Many , many times, she has made me feel her love for me, now that she is gone physically from us. Telling me how great and powerful a mother’s love is. It can surpass the barrier of death. Giving me no reason not to love my daughters more and more. And to correct them less and less. Over my hot cup of coffee this morning, as I watched my 9 year old go about fussing with her hair..I admired the curve of her calf and her shoes. I said, Mari, your legs remind me of grandma Lily’s legs. Then, I said, looking back, I have no regrets, Mari. I never broke her heart Mari. Silently wishing and praying that ...you know, the same from her. In Jesus mighty name. We can really come to heads and horns with her a lot like a stubborn ram. Oh...just as well, love more. Correct less. Ma, I know, your are enjoying the distant, verdant sunny hills of heaven now. I just want you to know, that I am grateful...thankful, that God gave you to me. I was your Anna Banana. I now know how you felt, when people admired us for our being ourselves...without doing anything at all. I now know, but oftentimes forget....cause now, I am a mom now too. Twice over. Victoria Marina and Ana Marcelina. Mari and Lilli. Thank you Lord for the gift of mothershood. Greatness in simplicity.

My Momentary Indiscretion

The K-Stew scandal over the fling with the SnowWhite and the Huntsmen director brought out a backlash of comments mostly centered on the not so naive 22 year old actress of the Twilight saga. A lot of comments and criticism came back and forth in all angles. Liberty Ross, the 4th party in the affair, was quite mum about it. I am sure, she has a lot stored in her chest. I am quite definite as well, she had to explode somewhere or somehow. Imagine!!! Your husband frolicking with a very young actress with the world as an audience, thanks and no thanks to techie cameras. So, did they really throw care and caution to the wind?? Or, did the cheating couple really wanted to get caught, so it may somehow help their movie rating go up? Was it all a ploy to make the box office bell ring? We really wouldn’t know unless we can see through their hearts and minds. Well, since my last health scare of August 4, my mother in law was so kind enough to come and help me care of the kids for 2 weeks. It was a very nice time for the grandmother to bond with her grandchildren. It was also a perfect time to get some things off my chest. I dunno. But, I felt, I needed to let her know, that I, too, in my 40’s almost got myself embroiled in a not so good affair. My husband , bless his soul, was in the know, from day 1. So, maybe, this is just my chance to come clean with myself and anyone who cares to listen and understand. No, this is not my attempt to get my 60 second of fame. Not at all. Like I have constantly said, my writing is my armchair psychotherapy. It makes me sane. It keeps me balanced. So, I write whatever I like too...just to get them out ...like a deep cleaning exhale. And this is how it started... My husband has been working overseas for 2 years already. We were just rounding off his yearly vacation. It was a full packed one. We decided to get pregnant after 8 years planning and holding and deciding. I was going through the rough phase of infanticipating. I was a bit in a hormonal roller coaster ride. Terrible. I was missing hubby already weeks before his departure back to Doha. I was dreading the thought of spending Christmas without him while I was pregnant. Then we had a spat a few days before he left. It really hurt deep. I could not get over the words he lashed out. And so, we brought him to the airport, without a proper reconciliation. On the way back, while in traffic, a text message came in while I was still going through the pain and numbness of the goodbyes. Marina was crying. I checked the cel. I was blinking away the tears trying to figure out who was texting and digesting the message. Whew! A blast from the past. A past flame. A childhood crush. He came into my life with that text message and decided to stay a while. After the text, came an email detailing his life. Then online chats. More text messages. In short, he was searching for a life partner. And, I needed someone to talk to. Someone who is there to listen and who accidentally loves to read my blogs. I pulled up the S.O.S. flag to some chosen friends one of which was my good friend who happens to be a priest. I said, help! Slippery slope to a serious case of an emotional affair. I preferred talking to him than my husband. I told my aunt who happens to be a nun to storm heaven for me. And so, I knew what I was going into. And I knew, that each step I took would take me deeper into the snare of wrong doing. But, as in amazing grace... I was saved and prevented taking the next steps by many instances of grace. Then, I had to make the decision to cut off the communication. He asked me if I was sure. I knew in my head and mind to say YES...but, it was a weak one, since he got hold of some heartstring long long ago...still trying to cut off in those moments. And so, as they say, make the decision first, then everything will follow. Not without struggle of course. And so, it was a lesson learned. I was capable of being weak. But....the grace of God was sufficient. He blocked some avenues for me with blinking NO ENTRY signs. And I yielded. So, thank God, I never got to have coffee or anything else with Romeo Jose. Thank God, I did not expose my unborn baby to my occasion of possible offence. Which may have casted doubt on her conception. Heaven forbid. God is so good. God is so great. So, for Kristen Stewart, I understand how we can become weak in the knees if someone comes into our life giving us the very thing that we need. Maybe, a genuine smile . Perhaps, a steady presence that tells you are special or being thought of truly. Or even just a listening ear or an arm of support that may have been absent from your significant other. Or maybe just a bit of excitement...that make your heart throb faster....makes you catch your breath now and then in awe. So, my temporary indiscretion may not have played out in steamy photos in public...Thank God... But, it was more than enough for me to understand, how one can really get frail...but, the will is still there. Never give it up! Values of family and life are more important. God can save...one just got to let Him.

Something Borrowed

It is a story of Rachel who was almost 30, successful yet overworked. A single lawyer and wondering about lost chances. The movie opens with Rachel nonchalantly getting into a restaurant to her surprise 30th birthday party being thrown by her best friend since childhood, Darcy. Rachel has forever been the best friend, even the mother, as Darcy claims to her. She even sacrifices her blossoming feelings for Dex, her Law school study buddy and friend because, Darcy set out to claim him for herself. Rachel did not like to put up a fight so she bailed out even before the balloon had the chance to lift off. Rachel later confides to Ethan, another long time childhood friend, " What Darcy wants, Darcy gets!" So, with a little too many drinks, Rachel awkwardly finds herself making out with Dex at the back of a taxi, where the next stop was her home. Rudely awakened by Darcy's frantic calls and voice messages the next morning, she finds herself in bed with Dex In the mad scramble to gain back their balance, Dex and Rachel, slowly reclaim, what once was about to kindle...a romance based on a lot of similarities. Darcy candidly admitted that if people do end up together based on this principle, then Dex and Rachel would have long been a couple. Putting her foot in her mouth again because, if she did not intrude into their celebratory dinner, then surely, Rachel and Dex would have long been an item. Darcy put her friend in a spot when she reveals that Rachel has been talking about Dex for the past 9 months. A dead giveaway to her friends feelings. Rachel quickly extinguishes the flames by declaring they were just friends. Dex, volunteers to bring Rachel home to which she refused cause she already knew, her friend or maybe not so good friend, already put a stake on Dex when she challenged Dex to date her instead. Dex tries to catch Rachel outside the bar, making sure it was alright. She said yes even though it made her die inside . And thus, 4 years later, after her post birthday party blunder, she slowly acknowledges what has long been there...her desire for Dex. Who has and was always hers from the start. The pre-wedding weekends in the South Hamptons were nerve wracking for Rachel. It pained her to see Dex frolic with Darcy and hear their climactic nocturnal activities together. Dex had to first overcome his dad's pressure on him to act based on what is expected not on what he wants. After their Labor day weekend together their yearnings and desire for each other thickens as the plot twists and lead to the week before Darcy and Dex's wedding. I love this movie because it has made me laugh a lot of times even when the reality and pain of Rachel having to choose between being the eternal BFF or reclaiming what was lost to find her true love was chokingly difficult. The actors were so perfect for their parts. Ginnifer Goodwin as Rachel, evoked a charmingly sweet yet strong character. Kate Hudson as Darcy was the perfect bitch that you love and so hate. Colin Egglesfield as Dex has a close resemblance to Tom Cruise giving the movie the Jerry McGuire feel that made it a romantic comedy hit. John Krasinski, as Ethan was the perfect best friend and confidante to Rachel. The confrontation by the beach during the badminton match was so hilarious it made my stomach cramp. I vote 5 popcorn buckets for this movie. Not so innocent but oh so sweet. http://voices.yahoo.com/why-love-movie-something-borrowed-9126647.html?cat=2

My Religious Conversion

My Religious Conversion Nominal Catholics? Devout Once or Ones? Angelli Anne DL. Espinoza, Yahoo! Contributor Network I was born a Roman Catholic in the year 1969. Does that automatically make me a religious person? Does that make me a real convert to a belief system that traces its roots to Jesus Christ? Not really So, what does religious conversion really mean? Wikipedia defines religious conversion as the adoption of a new religion that differs from the convert's previous religion.[1] If that is the case, then definitely I am not a religious convert. I have been a Catholic ever since. It does not mean of course, I was an exemplary one all throughout. I had my doubts and questions and string of sins along the way. But, the real question I would like to propose here is...have I really had a religious experience that has changed me to being a better Catholic? I'd say, I am a work in progress. The rites of baptism and confirmation and other sacraments do not necessarily bring about real profound conversion. Our choices between good and evil do spell the difference in not so grand and outstanding ways often than not. It is choosing not to throw your candy wrapper out of the car window not just because you might be caught. It is choosing not to bring home some paper clips from the office because you want to respect yourself and others. Or better yet, refusing another serving of rice, not because it will look unflattering later, but because our bodies are not just flesh and bones but is also a shelter to our spirit. In 1976, a very strong earthquake shook my birthplace of Zamboanga City. The temblor made me realize that I could die anytime. Then what happens next? Thus, at 7 years old, huddled and shaking to the bones with my parents and 8 siblings at the bottom of our long and dark staircase..I boldy required my mom, who was almost panicky and in tears...to lead us in prayer... she refused. No one else wanted to volunteer. Each to his own thoughts of what just happened...and so, I said, "Let us pray..." and have always been the moral compass and crusader of our family There is the rub. Exactly spelling the big difference between being popular & accepted or a devout Catholic consistent to it's teachings and practices. Is that religiosity or spirituality? Maybe or maybe not. •1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_conversion http://voices.yahoo.com/my-religious-conversion-9095443.html?cat=34

Dog Scraps...Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones

DOG SCRAPS...STUMBLING BLOCKS OR STEPPING STONES?
In today’s gospel, the faith of a woman is expressed in the following words: “ Lord, even the dogs eat the scraps of food from the children’s food under the table.”
Hmmmm....
Very hopeful.
Determined.
Confident.
I have been avoiding FB like the plague lately because it can consume my depleting energy and time.
Somehow, I had to communicate with a friend regarding something urgent. The news that met me was a bit thought provoking.
I seemed pigued.
I felt empty.
I felt hungry.
I felt unhappy.
I still want to thank the Lord for this feelings of desolation cause I feel and believe that I am being emptied to be filled. I am made hungry so I can be fed. I am experiencing sadness to savour happiness fully.
Yes.
This are the temporary spells that will spell fulfilment in the fullness of God’s time.
Thank you.
Feb.9,2012