Thursday, September 6, 2012
My Momentary Indiscretion
The K-Stew scandal over the fling with the SnowWhite and the Huntsmen director brought out a backlash of comments mostly centered on the not so naive 22 year old actress of the Twilight saga. A lot of comments and criticism came back and forth in all angles. Liberty Ross, the 4th party in the affair, was quite mum about it. I am sure, she has a lot stored in her chest. I am quite definite as well, she had to explode somewhere or somehow. Imagine!!! Your husband frolicking with a very young actress with the world as an audience, thanks and no thanks to techie cameras. So, did they really throw care and caution to the wind?? Or, did the cheating couple really wanted to get caught, so it may somehow help their movie rating go up? Was it all a ploy to make the box office bell ring? We really wouldn’t know unless we can see through their hearts and minds. Well, since my last health scare of August 4, my mother in law was so kind enough to come and help me care of the kids for 2 weeks. It was a very nice time for the grandmother to bond with her grandchildren. It was also a perfect time to get some things off my chest. I dunno. But, I felt, I needed to let her know, that I, too, in my 40’s almost got myself embroiled in a not so good affair. My husband , bless his soul, was in the know, from day 1. So, maybe, this is just my chance to come clean with myself and anyone who cares to listen and understand. No, this is not my attempt to get my 60 second of fame. Not at all. Like I have constantly said, my writing is my armchair psychotherapy. It makes me sane. It keeps me balanced. So, I write whatever I like too...just to get them out ...like a deep cleaning exhale. And this is how it started... My husband has been working overseas for 2 years already. We were just rounding off his yearly vacation. It was a full packed one. We decided to get pregnant after 8 years planning and holding and deciding. I was going through the rough phase of infanticipating. I was a bit in a hormonal roller coaster ride. Terrible. I was missing hubby already weeks before his departure back to Doha. I was dreading the thought of spending Christmas without him while I was pregnant. Then we had a spat a few days before he left. It really hurt deep. I could not get over the words he lashed out. And so, we brought him to the airport, without a proper reconciliation. On the way back, while in traffic, a text message came in while I was still going through the pain and numbness of the goodbyes. Marina was crying. I checked the cel. I was blinking away the tears trying to figure out who was texting and digesting the message. Whew! A blast from the past. A past flame. A childhood crush. He came into my life with that text message and decided to stay a while. After the text, came an email detailing his life. Then online chats. More text messages. In short, he was searching for a life partner. And, I needed someone to talk to. Someone who is there to listen and who accidentally loves to read my blogs. I pulled up the S.O.S. flag to some chosen friends one of which was my good friend who happens to be a priest. I said, help! Slippery slope to a serious case of an emotional affair. I preferred talking to him than my husband. I told my aunt who happens to be a nun to storm heaven for me. And so, I knew what I was going into. And I knew, that each step I took would take me deeper into the snare of wrong doing. But, as in amazing grace... I was saved and prevented taking the next steps by many instances of grace. Then, I had to make the decision to cut off the communication. He asked me if I was sure. I knew in my head and mind to say YES...but, it was a weak one, since he got hold of some heartstring long long ago...still trying to cut off in those moments. And so, as they say, make the decision first, then everything will follow. Not without struggle of course. And so, it was a lesson learned. I was capable of being weak. But....the grace of God was sufficient. He blocked some avenues for me with blinking NO ENTRY signs. And I yielded. So, thank God, I never got to have coffee or anything else with Romeo Jose. Thank God, I did not expose my unborn baby to my occasion of possible offence. Which may have casted doubt on her conception. Heaven forbid. God is so good. God is so great. So, for Kristen Stewart, I understand how we can become weak in the knees if someone comes into our life giving us the very thing that we need. Maybe, a genuine smile . Perhaps, a steady presence that tells you are special or being thought of truly. Or even just a listening ear or an arm of support that may have been absent from your significant other. Or maybe just a bit of excitement...that make your heart throb faster....makes you catch your breath now and then in awe. So, my temporary indiscretion may not have played out in steamy photos in public...Thank God... But, it was more than enough for me to understand, how one can really get frail...but, the will is still there. Never give it up! Values of family and life are more important. God can save...one just got to let Him.