Monday, February 21, 2011

Feb.12,2011 Kinks in the System


Let us start with how I look right now. My hair is like a lions mane curling unruly around my head begging for a comb to run it’s fine teeth through it...hoping to smoothen out the kinks and curls that go whichever direction they wish to.
I want to rest and sleep, but it has abandoned me many times as I have thoughts running to directions I wish it not to go.
My school deadline to submit my second paper before final exams is today and yet...I cannot budge.
I just had a spat with my long distance hubby who is busy preparing for his new love, tennis.
I wanted to chat with him online to share him my thoughts like a sounding board so I can somehow find coherence in several issues snagging my heart and snatching away my peace.
Owing to the time difference, I roused him from his sleep and he was not yet in the mood to I resorted to being hurt...and feeling really so lonesome and sad...since something like these issues can be easily resolved just by one big bear hug from him.
I cannot hug myself enough to feel that warm tingling feeling inside that can light me up like an incandescent bulb energized to last me another day or two.
I have been sniffing away the runny nose that has been the result of tears continuously streaming down my swollen cheeks and Rudolph Red snout.
I have been stopping myself from posting my thoughts online via facebook lest my uncensored thoughts and feelings will reveal so much more than I can afford to at this time.
I have actually been on abstinence from facebook cause it is somehow disturbing my peace so much. Distancing is my best ally to maintaining my balance and harmony.
I was kinda amused to know that Michelle Obama has not allowed her children to be part of Facebook. Something quite extraordinary being the most social networking site available...I wonder what varied responses and comments this might elicit.
Now...I am getting more calm as I type...not really knowing where this will lead me. But the calming effect of typing away the black keyboard of this notebook is quite reassuring and hypnotic. I feel a bit sleepy too.
Top of the list bothering thought:
Last thought before the zzzzz and the first thought upon rising...why? I cannot seem to fathom. I have mustered brainwashing affirmations to ward away thoughts from lingering or detouring to that direction, but, it is still there.
What to do? Heaven knows.
The dreams are so vivid as if real. The stroking of the hand as if in a restless assurance that, yes, I take you and want to be an essential part of your life. Dark brown over ivory whiteness.
Ok, I think I feel dreamy enough now with that thought. Let me catch a few more winks to refuel my system to finally submit my paper before the clock strikes 12 and out.

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