That was my character in a high school play I was made to join. It was one of the baptisms of fire I experienced. You see, I detest being in the spotlight. I abhorred being on stage for anything. My fright was so sky bound.
Somehow, I managed.
Whenever I look back at pictures of the event, I still cringe in embarrassment.
My hairdo was terrible.
My slip was literally showing.
I was not comfortable at all. Maybe I was not able to be true to the character. I dunno. Perhaps to some, I was authentic. Depends on what glasses they were wearing .
Lately, I was admonished by my always disapproving sisters.
I shared to them about an incident where I let it all hang out again.
I said, I am a very revealing person. In terms of facial expression etc. Without a word, my thoughts and feelings do really shine through.
It would really be duplicity and super plasticity if I pretended otherwise.
So, I merely went on ahead and acknowledge that what had been experienced was unpalatable to say the least. Thus being said, these and these are my other thoughts and feelings.
Again. Perhaps, my sisters could not understand me. And maybe just shook their heads in desperation and frustration at me.
It made me feel good to be one with what I felt, thought and said.
Yesterday’s readings had something to do with the hypocritical attitudes of the Pharisees who judged the people joining Jesus for a meal with unclean hands. Jews had so many rules in almost everything, washing hands and utensils included.
Yesterday was quite a challenging day. I had to deal with some pressing financial issues that head to be dealt head on.
Unfortunately, here came 2 people, one after the other, knocking on my door asking for help.
I dunno why I seem to be a magnet for mendicants?
Here I go explaining to them my predicament rather than shoving them away like pesky flies.
I was quite frazzled later on.
They somehow thought I was lying.
Well, I was sobered by the thought of last Sunday’s homily.
The priest said, it is better, that you are in the position of be able to help than of the person in dire need of help.
Actually, there is the rub.
I do need help. A whole lot. And these people think, I am not being true to them.
Hmmmm….do I need to put on tattered clothes to show them what I meant?
Maybe not so extreme. Besides these are some of the small stuff I should not sweat over.
How about people who ignore you and hurt you in the process?
Give them a dose of their own medicine.
Perhaps without saying a word, they will realize their folly.
Perhaps…maybe not, if they are so wrapped up in their prejudices and judgement.
With that, I breathe out.