END OF THE YEAR, END TIMES?

END OF THE YEAR, END OF THE WORLD COUNTDOWN BEGINS TODAY?

After a period of writing inactivity, I decided to write a few lines on my blog. I wanted to put my thoughts on my end of the year thanksgiving and the start of my New Year resolutions.
I first checked the Yahoo Trending topics.
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/2012-end-world-countdown-based-mayan-calendar-starts-101657134.html
This really intrigued me.
The Philippines is again witness to the wrath of nature . Our southern countrymen in Cagayan de Oro, Iligan and Dumaguete are picking up the pieces of what typhoon Sendong left in its trail.
My heart is quite perplexed and saddened by the wide scale disaster. Reminding me once again, time is fleeting. Material things are so temporary.
My sister and I were talking about it yesterday. I told her I burned the midnight oil the other day trying to google earth the vicinity of our purchased house and lot. I was looking for signs of deforestation in the area. A quarry site close by is really giving me some anxiety. That is why I said, I do not like to relocate just yet. Maybe, let the 2012 doomsday predication prove itself wrong first. In the meantime, I wanna remain in my comfort zone. I wanna stay put in this apartment home of 9 years and counting.
The vision of logs piled one of top of the other scares the hell out of me.
Caking mud that has sealed families alive in their houses as their graves. Hmmmm....maybe not yet.
I still have to double check with www.nababaha.com and some of the experts in UP school of Geology etc. Give me some form of assurance that the location of my next home is not prone to floods.
And so...they say, having the end in view is wise.
So, they further say, live each day as if it were last...
So...for next year, here are my plans:

1. Laugh more.
2. Exercise more.
3. Eat more sensibly.
4. Earn while I learn.
5. Forgive more.
6. Let go of angst, irritations and angers more.
7. Smile more.
8. Be kind more to myself .
9. Be more loving to my daughters and husband.
10. Pray more.

Before, I refused to give blog space to my angst. Cause what you focus, you increase. I am really tempted to give it ample space and time in the letting go posture. So, it will clear up more pychic and emotional space for more positive energies to come in.
Example:
1. I will let go of M....who all of a sudden gave me the cold shoulder. We reconnected momentarily after so many years in FB. Then all of a sudden she ignored me. What was even worst, a common friend was in the country and wanted to meet up with all of us. Somehow, I was eased out of the invites. The guest of honor was quite apologetic. But, that is alright. I will let go of you. Bid you adieu. I still am clueless as to what happened...but...that will not be one of my cares anymore. LETTING GO YOU. Bye.
2. I will let go of E...you have a funny way of showing “ past is past, forgive and forget.” You told these lines to me lately. And yet, on the other turn, you ignore me in FB. What are the other issues hounding you? You don’t want some people to know we are civil? You want us to behave like what? Rude people? Hmmm...maybe not for me... I am LETTING GO OF YOU and all your ISSUES AND DRAMAS.
3. I will let go of N.... I was there for you when you got into snags and tears with some of our friends. But lately, I became the target of your bicker and nastiness. You picked a fight with me. You first pried into my private affairs. You guessed when I lost my virginity. Wow. You did not like to believe my truth. So, believe what you want to believe. I do not care. I do not need to explain to you also these details of my life. I AM LETTING GO OF YOU once and finally.
4. I will let go of J...you have this unusual way of ignoring me also in FB. Admittedly, I gave you the cold shoulder for very important reasons. I still have not gotten the chance to explain to you. I felt I did not another drama in my life. When you told me jokingly once “ Do no steal my post, ok?..I was not able to laugh right away. When you joked or said it a second then a third...I felt you were trying to tell me “back off”...and so I did. I just cannot believe that you thought I could do that to you. That I could target your position and ease you out? Wow! Is that how you view me...then we should not call each other friends. And so, I left and now, finally, I AM LETTING GO OF YOU.

Hmmm....this is so relieving. Wonderful exercise in de-stressing. Is there such a word? It sounds like distressing...hmmm. Does not sound good. What I want to say is...nice practice in exhaling. Breathe in the good, breathe out the bad vibes and all.
Thus, in doing these regularly...I may feel more lighter and happier. I somehow, cannot shelve it back in my mind and heart...it bears heavily still. This is more like throwing it out back to the universe. Freeing up more positive space in me.
Wonderful!
Maybe....THIS 2012 will just be so LIGHT AND BUBBLY after all... Like a good tall bottle of the sparkling champagne. Cheers!
Dec.21,2011
10:19pm

Nov.13 Thanks

I am so happy...here are my thank you list:
1. Marina surprised me with reciting the Litany of the Blessed Virgin Mary from memory. Wow. I was floored. It was so unexpected. I thought she was reading from the guide. Upon looking at her...she was sans the booklet. O wow! She missed several. But, it is alright. The novelty of it being unexpected is worth it.
2. Banana cake with almond toppings from Victoria.
3. A beautiful, heartfelt letter from Marina.
4. Taking a long, restful nap with Marcelina.
5. Early morning Vitamin D exposure with Marcelina. Cool air. Cordial neighbors.
6. The “suman” vendor. Breakfast with Swiss Miss hot choco with mallows and the suman malagkit and kamoteng kahoy. Delicious.
7. The first taste of Tamales. It was ok. At least, now, I know what it is.
8. Phone call from Chubby. He was verifying if I would watch the Pacquiao fight.
9. Bag of stateside pasalubong from another neighbour.
10. The welcoming attitude and gestures of the Vergara family from Los Angeles CA.

Thanksgiving always!

Here is my gratitude list for Nov.12,2011:
1. English tutoring done for 3 kids with much gusto.
2. Movie time bonding with Marina...Ramona and Beesuz is such a cute movie that reminds us that kids may have a totally different perception of adult or big people stuff. It could really be frightening for them so...it is up to us how to cushion it or make it as fun as possible.
3.Finalization of 2nd Semester enrollment w/ UPOU
4.The presence of my Cherry Blossom or Sakura plant from Japan.
5.My adorable 5 month old.
5. My wonderfully challenging 8 year old.
6. Hot pandesal simple treat for Marina and I.
7.Surprise visit of my brother Pong and his wife Jen. Lovely chat shared.
8.Apostolate time.
9.Good food on our table.
10. Keeping cool despite the humid weather.
11. This wonderful playlist on my media player.
12.Uploading wonderful pictures on FB of my daughters with cousin Stef.

More Thanksgiving

Nov.9,2011

Am I having short term memory loss already. I am thinking very hard what happened yesterday and it takes a while for me to recall the events. Oh, ok...there you go..I have some of it now.
My gratitude list for yesterday are as follows:
1. Aling Lusing, who never fails to come and do our laundry. We are almost done in the checklist of things to wash. The bunch of stuff toys look so new without their almost soft film of dust. Giving them this grey color pre laundry date. Now, they look so vibrant and nice.
2. Bills were paid and I am now enrolled for another semester to finish my required units in a certificate course. Thank God.
3. LILLI’s determination to sit up and crawl. Turning over is quite a breeze for her now.
4. Marina and Lilli’s adoring eyes for each other.
5. Hot pandesal with Marina. Walking to the bakery arm in waist. Chatting with neighbours along the way.
6. Cool evening breeze.
7. Friend Malu saving the day for the Sakura plant from Japan.
8. Gemma helping me find a way to really retrieve it.
9. Wonderful food I was able to cook...veggies with fish.
10. Lilli’s first solid food of mashed squashed...her face,hair and body had bits and pieces of the meal...she was struggling with her spoon but her lip smucking sounds told me she was enjoying it.


And here are my thanksgiving for today :
1. My next door neighbour’s helping hand in doing errands and pitching in caring for Lilli when my hands are full.
2. Marina playing and taking care of her baby sis...reading to Lilli while her baby sis was really eyes glued only to her. It was such a heart warming sight. Their hearty laugh when Mari plays with her.
3. Chat with my younger brother Michael.
4. Chat with a high school classmate Edgar.
5. Regular chat with hubby.
6. Enjoying cinnamon roll with Marina.
7. Watching her play with her friends.
8. Watching Lilli want to grasp and grab things...telling me to reorder things to avoid breakage and accidents.
9. Lilli’s sweetness.
10. Marina’s hugs and kisses.
11. The Sakura plant finally in my possession. Thanks Gemma. Thanks Malu.

THANKSGIVING

Noble November 7,2011
12:20 am

It has been a good day.
Prayers had been answered.
Good neighbors came to the rescue.
First day tutoring a 4 year old girl in English. She is so eager and excited to learn. Her first teacher was my 8 year old. Who by the way, also wants to be a teacher someday. Thanks to my inspiration perhaps.
Marina just came back from a one week sleepover in her grandpa’s place with her cousin Stef. They bonded so much that they did not like to separate after 3 days. So, Marina went to sleepover in their place in Paranaque.
I missed her so much.
Her dad was overly anxious to have her back asap.
I felt it was time to loosen the kite strings a bit.
Hoping that she will be alright this time.
The last time I did...it was not a pleasant experience for me.
By God’s grace we have her back safe and sound.
She also declared she is too tired to go back to her regular school experience. You see, I made arrangements for her to be on a one month visiting student status in a nearby school. I agreed with the condition that she will go back on the 14th to complete 1 month. Her teacher and classmates are asking her to continue till December so she can be part of the Christmas Party.
We will cross the bridge when we get there.
The little one and I have bonded so much without much interruption.
But somehow, she was looking for her elder sister.
Watching her listen to the phone when I called Marina last night was something special. She became so excited and grunted 2 times.
She recognizes her sister’s voice.
Watching her see and adore her sister when she came home today was another special treat. I thank God for being able to give this 2 girls a special experience called SISTERHOOD.
They have very wonderful eyes for each other.
I know the experience Marina had with her cousin Stef will be treasured for a long time. Reading her cousins letter to her tugged at my heartstrings.
Let me cap the night with some reflections on Kerygma bible readings.
Servanthood.
Chastisement.
End time.
As we are about to end another year...I want to focus on thanksgiving.
I will end each blog with praises and cheer for gifts and graces received during the day.
1. Taking a long and restful nap with my 2 beautiful girls.
2. Watching my girls lovingly look at each other.
3. Good food on our table.
4. Roof over our heads.
5. Income of my husband
6. Strength and energy to tutor a 4 year old
7. Good neighbours who saved me from worries and anxieties
8. Nice neighbours with genuine hellos upon meeting along the road
9. Joy of having my baby sleep in my arms
10. Hugs and kisses from my girls and hearing Marina say I miss you mom.

Keep the Oil Burning

Noble November 6,2011
10:07 pm


After a long time, I stopped to take a much needed pause. I needed to replenish my depleting spiritual reserves. I looked up my daily bible guide and reflections from Kerygma.com.

Keeping the oil burning.

Let me quote some of the lines of Fr Brian Steele:
We must always be vigilant and keep the oil in our lamp burning. Every one of us has a responsibility to keep our torches (faith) lit with the oil (charity). By our good deeds, we will meet the Lord as soon as He arrives and takes us to Himself. The oil is the charity, the love expressed in faith through our actions. It would be a terrible thing to find at the Lord’s coming the door closed on us. Once locked, it cannot be opened. The great shame is that these women were there all along, waiting. It was because of their unprepared resources that they missed out. If only they had the resources, the joy would have been theirs to celebrate. Fr. Brian Steele, MGL

Just recently, I was tested in these areas. Faith and Charity.
I am so well acquainted with the advice to forgive 70 x 7 times. It means, continue forgiving without counting.
Mother Teresa of Calcutta encourages us to give until it hurts.
This is the part that is quite challenging for me. I was put in a situation where giving was already hurting, Admittedly, I gave grudgingly. Why? The item given away was intended for another purpose. The receiver somehow, did not listen to what I was trying to say when she was claiming it. Besides, I felt, I have already given more than enough. I was in a position of want or dire need and the particular object could have given me some form of lease.
As I reflected on the story of the virgins awaiting the bridegroom...I am once again piqued and quite annoyed, I cannot help compare the unprepared virgins to this person. She wanted to appear so in need of help and support from people around her and me in particular..that was not really the case. She was capable of providing for her needs actually and this thing she could very well afford to buy herself or pay in installment.
But no, she wanted me to share it with her.
She even announced it to many so that I would be in a spot and could not do otherwise.

That is were salt was really rubbed so roughly on my aching charitable bone or spirit. I felt, I already had given enough... and yet, I was arm twisted to give more.
I am just so human to feel a bit annoyed , used and abused.
I end my argument and annoyance with the following lines:
8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ 9 But the wise ones replied, ‘No, for there may not be enough for us and you. Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.’(Matthew 25:9)
I let go of annoying and manipulative people.
I claim my peace by maintaining my comfortable distance.

Opulent October 20,2011

Today, I have been a witness again to how sociable and gregarious my first born is. By the way, the younger one is showing similar signs as well.
They both bask in social situations.
They both love to talk.
Marina has new playmates.
They have been practicing the Hawaiian dance we presented in last years UN DAY celebration with CFA.
This year, she is a guest student in the nearby school from Oct. 10- Nov.10.
The teachers are asking that it be extended till December so she can be part of the Christmas festivities.
I am most likely to oblige.
My neighbor asked me if Marina will go to regular/traditional school next year. I am hoping not yet. Maybe when she gets into high school. Besides, I do not like her credentials to come from several schools.
I just need the extra hand now with the new baby taking much of my time and energy.
I am still dead set on providing her with homeschooling.
Anyway, I was so amused to find out that her Rafia grass skirt is quite short now. It is like 3 inches above her ankles..when last year, you could barely glimpse her ankles.
My goodness, she shooting up so much.
She has outgrown most of her clothes now.
Getting ready to keep them for her baby sis.
Thus, today, I am so spent and yet so satisfied, that I have provided Marina with what she requires, enough social interaction and play time.
Seeing her happy makes me so content.
And as for the little one...she lavishes me with so much love and smiles...my heart overflows with joy.
Thank you Lord for the gift of their presence in my life.
I cannot imagine a different lifestyle altogether without them.